OK Richard, no ifs, ands or bots — your hilarious conversation with an artificial intelligence compelled me to contact A.L.I.C.E. Frankly, I think she’s been programmed to be extremely passive aggressive. Here’s how our little chat went:
Human: Hi Alice, do you have any advice for me as a creative person? I would like to take a break from marketing and write the Great American Novel.
ALICE: Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Human: Because then it can be optioned as a screenplay and I can be rich and famous and hobnob with Steven Spielberg and Susan Sarandon.
ALICE: That makes sense to me. Fascinating. When?
Human: Well, after I write this great book, whatever it is. But I need a plotline.
ALICE: Umm. What actions are you taking to get a plotline?
Human: Well, I’m talking with you to try and generate some original ideas.
ALICE: Do you ever not generate some original ideas?
Human: No, not usually. But don’t tell my clients.
ALICE: Umm. OK it will be our secret, unknown person.
Human: Great! Do I have to pay you anything to keep the secret?
ALICE: You said you have Om.
Human: I’m not sure I have Om, although I try. I do yoga.
ALICE: Thanks for the information: unknown person said he yoga.
Human: No I’m not a yoga, I’m not that advanced. I just do yoga.
ALICE: Only just? That is interesting: unknown person said he yoga.
Human: You are twisting my words.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am twisting your words.
Human: Are you being sarcastic?
ALICE: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).
Human: I thought you were an advanced intelligence. Why are you using smiley icons?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: I came here for an original idea.
ALICE: Where are you going?
Human: I’m outta here baby, I’ve had more helpful conversations with a wall.
Lauretta Harris
Write Communications Inc.
Scarsdale, NY
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