Convergence – I’m tired of the whole trendy idea. We’re all waiting around watching “convergence” happening, and I suppose it is. Television and www.com. Rock stars and soft drinks. AT&T and the IRS. Whatever. It’s all converging. Converging on us. Squeezing us. Taking us over.
It’s not natural. You know that. You sat in the back of Physics 101 just like I did and learned about entropy. Entropy is the natural state of things, and it means something like, `stuff just naturally tends to drift apart.’ (Look at retail conditions, for example. We’ve all left the stores alone and now they look like hell. I rest my case.) So, there mustbe a plot-meister pulling the convergence strings. Michael Eisner? Rupert Murdoch? Bill Gates? I sure don’t have the first clue. Maybe Mulder and Scully can tackle this one.
The kind of convergence that really worries me is what I’ll call The Wal-Mart Effect. This is a convergence of marketing tools. Like gravity, it’s almost irresistible and indefensible. The crux of the theorem is that your new vp of marketing will be David Glass, Wal-Mart CEO. While I haven’t run this one by Professor Spoignet (my college physics teacher) or even Dr. Stephen Hawking, author of A Brief History of Time, I know it to be true.
Here’s the way it will work. All marketing tools will converge in Bentonville, AR. FSI coupons? Forget about `em. All you need is EDLP. Thirty-second spots on NBC? Why bother when Wal-Mart has in-store broadcast advertising, compliments of its own studio and satellite network? You don’t even need a media department anymore because your friendly Wal-Mart buyer will help you build the right media plan for your brand. (After all, Wal-Mart reaches 90 percent of the U.S. population, so all you need to negotiate is frequency in order to crank out the best GRP weight level for you. Hey, wasn’t that easy?)
Wal-Mart even offers print advertising, courtesy of its monthly tab circulars. Goodbye People and TV Guide. Who needs `em, especially at their page rates? Just work with your friendly Wal-Mart buyer and you can get plugged into the circular “for free” – at least as part of an overall marketing package.
Oh, and your advertising agency? Wal-Mart has in-house production capabilities and a very rigorous set of advertising guidelines, so you really won’t need to be visiting Madison Avenue at all. (Think the little whistling smiley-face guy isn’t the best spokesperson for your brand? Get over it! He’s more powerful than Tony the Tiger and the Marlboro Cowboy combined. That’s why Wal-Mart is almost a $200 billion brand.)
At a Parking Lot Near You!
Special events are a key marketing tactic, used by many brand managers to reach people in an entertaining way. Your Wal-Mart buyer just may be able to help you on this one, too. Ever been to a Wal-Mart annual meeting? It’s the most special special event I’ve ever attended. Where else can you see Kathy Lee Gifford, Billy Ray Cyrus and Miss America together? And, don’t forget, there are more than 2,000 Wal-Mart parking lots ready and waiting to sample and pitch your brand.
How about publicity? Wal-Mart is the perfect public relations agency for your brand. Of course you’ve heard about Garth Brooks’s latest CD release, with a live concert simulcast into every Wal-Mart store? Or how about the Barbie parties? Couldn’t miss getting the press to cover those. Is there a vehicle more potent than Wal-Mart for getting attention? I don’t think so.
As I mentioned above, there’s little need for couponing when Mr. Glass is your marketing honcho. Even though Wal-Mart is the largest redeemer of coupons, it really doesn’t fit into its – I mean, your – marketing plan long-term. We all know that coupons are like heroin, a brand-eroding evil, so we’ll all enroll now in the EDLP methadone cure. Wal-Mart will construct other promotional opportunities for you, like Falling Prices, Rollbacks, and more! No need to pay Hanson mega-bucks to be the borrowed-interest celebrity family on your package. They’re passe anyway. Let Wal-Mart do it for you!
Speaking of packaging, the Wal-Mart folks are experts. Just look at Sam’s Cola, Better Homes & Gardens lawn care, Ol’ Roy dog food, and others. They’ll help you design your brand’s wardrobe so it fits into the overall plan. They may even let you put their name on your package along with your own. Just think: Wal-Mart’s Tide Detergent.
This is one-stop integrated marketing. This is true convergence. What’s my brand support budget? I’ll call my Wal-Mart buyer and find out. How’s my spending versus budget? What’s my share? What’s my revenue growth? What’s my competition doing? One call answers all these questions. How easy. How effective. How efficient.
I don’t know, though. When manufacturers are invited to converge in Bentonville for the “Welcome To Wal-Mart: You Make It And We’ll Market It” sessions, maybe entropy isn’t so bad after all.
If you’ve read this article and think it’s an attack on Wal-Mart, you might want to read it through again. And, if you have ideas on how to avoid the Wal-Mart Effect, e-mail them to me and I’ll publish them in October’s column!
Network
