KERRY’S CREW

The bright-eyed visage of former Olympian and three-time world heavyweight boxing champ Muhammad Ali, who stood out not only as a splendid athlete in a game far too brutal to be called a sport but also as a man of principle in a troubled time, now gazes across millions of American breakfast tables from the front of his own Wheaties Box. The venerable “Breakfast of Champions” cereal turns 75 this year, and General Mills is inviting consumers to vote for their 10 favorite Wheaties champs from among 75, except for Ali – WHAT!? – appearing on a ballot on specially marked boxes. Ten original “heritage” boxes (presumably the top vote-getters) will then be re-issued in April.

The Ali box does not appear on the ballot “because it [the ballot] was printed before the Ali Wheaties box was announced,” we’re told by a press release, but “there is a write-in space on the ballot that consumers may use to vote for Ali.” Write-in space, indeed. Ali is 57 now and not in the best of health, and the 12-ounce special-edition Ali Wheaties box was distributed in February to coincide with Black History Month. Two good reasons, we believe, for the marketers who goofed to make up for the oversight by stuffing the ballot box. Write me if you agree: Ali is still the greatest, so stop screwing around and put him in the Top Ten.

OUT OF CONTROL. Last month’s CompUSA rant (“The Tyranny of Incompetence”) in an issue otherwise lauding retailers as Marketers of the Year drew our highest-ever reader response. Its subject: how lousy store-employee attitudes can undermine the best-laid promotion plans. Indeed, with product marketers now hiring third-party merchandisers to stock shelves and retailers “building their brands” so that PMs won’t be needed, asks one agency AE, “why is everyone so bent on doing the other’s job?” Maybe it’s a control thing.

SOME SECRET. Speaking of category killers, let’s hear it for Intimate Brands, Inc., parent company of the Victoria’s Secret chain, for tying a “fashion show” (forget the s-e-x cliche), e-commerce, and Super Bowl XXXIII together in a $5 million media blitz to lure its real target audience (men) to the marketplace – the electronic one, that is. Sales to guys shot up to 60 percent when VictoriaSecret.com debuted back in December, and guys bored by the third quarter of Denver’s torching of Atlanta rushed to the site with such vigor that AOL nearly shut down. Unlike highly touted but still unprofitable amazon.com, Intimate’s scantywear site has been in the black from day one. So much for the appeal of curling up with a good book.

FEMINIST BACKLASH? Aw, come on. Columbia Business School marketing prof Bernd Schmitt predicts the not-so-secret Spring Fashion Show will backfire if women think product quality is being replaced by “sensationalist” ads and Internet events. Excuse us, doc, but if ever there was a case where product quality is beside the point, this is it. What quality, anyway? Warmth? Durability? Besides, skivvy makers like Calvin Klein have been marketing men’s briefs not-so-subliminally to women, as gifts for men, for years. So at Victoria’s Secret, the – uh, shoes are merely on the other – uh, feet. Meanwhile sales, earnings, and share prices soar.

DON’T GET ME STARTED. Facing the wrath of an upcoming Justice Dept. suit and already having agreed to pay a group of states $246 billion over 25 years to take care of sick smokers as well as to make drastic cutbacks in ads and promotions criticssay entice children to smoke, Phillip Morris is now under fire for committing $4.3 million over two years to the National 4-H Council for a program designed by that nationwide youth group – yes, to discourage kids from lighting up. Anti-tobacco activists claim the company is trying to create a false impression and cash in on the 4-H’s good name. But National 4-H Council president Richard Sauer says it was his organization that took the proposal to Phillip Morris – not the other way around. I mean, where would YOU most rather work at Phillip Morris: in marketing or the legal department?

NO GUTS, NO GLORY. Heads up, you agency and client people worldwide: April 15 is the entry deadline for the 9th annual (biggest-ever) World PRO Awards of Excellence, the first and only global competition for promotional campaigns. Now it’s easier and costs much less to enter. Requiring book-size portfolios vs. presentation boards means you save $$ on preparation, shipping, and duty. See you at the regional judgings and presentations this spring and summer in Brussels, Buenos Aires, and Sydney. Then the black-tie gala in Chicago at PROMO Expo mid-September. E-mail me with any questions, but get on it NOW!

DUBIOUS DISTINCTION AWARD. The medium: High-traffic billboard in suburban Toronto. The art: Close-up of a guy cooking on a barbecue being nuzzled by a gal. The copy: “Pork. The one you love.” We kid you not. (Maybe it’s those short winter days up there.) Passed along to us but totally disavowed by our friend Duncan McLaren of McLaren Marketing. Those Canadian ad guys are really somethin’, eh?