Uniden Fails to Connect
When will they ever learn? Never, I’m afraid.
First they pour what is possibly millions of dollars into development of an extremely complicated, elaborate Web site attempting to inform you about all their products.
Then they run print ads which do a poor job of selling their products, and an equally poor job of drawing readers to the site for more information.
And the company’s Internet marketing manager never speaks to the print ad manager. So they don’t coordinate their activities. The too-few prospects who log on to the Web site for more information can’t easily find it because it’s buried in a huge mass of data.
These musings were prompted by the subject of this issue’s makeover, a recent ad by Uniden for a new line of cordless phones, the 5.8 GHz PowerMax series.
“Finally, a Reason to Buy Technology Again,” trumpets the headline. That’s adtalk, not peopletalk. Nobody I know buys a bushel of technology. They buy a phone or a camera or a computer.
The headline type is gussied up by making the middle a little brighter gray than each end. No particular reason.
Then, instead of grabbing readers with the news, the ad buries it in a sea of tiny white sans-serif type against a black background. Getting out my trusty magnifying glass, here’s what it says:
THE 5.8 GHZ DIGITAL WITH 10 HANDSETS.
GREED IS GOOD. (In fact, it doesn’t come with 10 handsets, it comes with one. You can buy up to nine more depending on your needs.)
The copy continues:
Actually, make that 10 reasons to buy technology again. From their titanium finish to their 10-handset capability, Uniden’s new PowerMax 5.8 GHz cordless phones have it all. They’re jam-packed with the latest features, like speakerphone, call waiting ID,
CONVENIENCE = COMMERCE distinctive ring tones, and a lot more. (What else? Why not just tell us?) And, with 5.8 GHz of power inside, you’ll get the kind of outstanding clarity and coverage others only wish they had. (That “Convenience = Commerce” line is just more adtalk gibberish.)
1 + 1 + 1 + 1+ 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 5.8. (Another cute way of restating the facts.)
Add the fact that you can support up to 10 handsets with a single phone jack, and the PowerMax™is simply the most versatile cordless ever devised. (So there’s the news.)
PMX GHz HANDSETS UNIDEN + 50.8 + 5.8 + 10 + 10.58
(Still another cute way of stating the numbers involved, in the form of simulated ticker tape.)
Put a handset in every room to catch calls. Or, use it as an intercom with handset-to-handset communication. The amazingly advanced and ultra-powerful 5.8 GHz cordless from Uniden. Technology just got a lot more attractive. www.uniden.com.
In this age of cell-phone mania, it’s unlikely that many people are going to buy a cordless phone just because it has some glitzy new bells and whistles. But buried in the ad’s copy mishmash is a big idea — a way to assemble your own wireless intercom setup at your home or small business for a modest cost.
I can’t tell you how modest the cost. I couldn’t find out. The $100 per additional handset station in my makeover is an educated guess. So I have made this the subject of my makeover. First I announce it loud and clear with a news headline, bolstered with a product illustration which helps tell the story. Then, in readable type, I spell out the details and paint a word picture of the advantages of using such a setup at home or place of business.
Alongside, I list twice as many features. It illustrates how constructing a response ad with maximum effectiveness is a bit like maximizing a political campaign — the trilingual menu will win you a few “votes” from prospective customers here, the speakerphone a few “votes” there, and they all add up to more sales.
Although I believe my makeover would send many more readers to Uniden’s Web site, I’m afraid they will be confused and disappointed when they get there.
What Uniden should have done is direct readers to a special page at Uniden.com where they could find the info the ad promised. But again, the company’s print ad manager and the Web manager presumably don’t speak to one another. So surely that’ll never happen.
To e-mail comments and opinions: [email protected].
THOMAS L. COLLINS is a veteran direct marketing admaker, agency creative director and co-author of four books on marketing. He is currently an independent marketing consultant and copywriter based in Manhattan.
