During a recent presentation, J. Howard Beales III, director of the Federal Trade Commission’s Bureau of Consumer Protection, mentioned that the world holds the United States responsible for the lion’s share of unsolicited e-mail message.
Dear reader, if you are like me, you immediately have two thoughts. First, if the U.S. is spam capitol of the world, where are we getting all of these photos of hot Russian women who can’t wait to meet us?
Second, isn’t it nice to know that there is still a top ranking this country can claim? Aside from bi-partisan political asininity, that is.
This is no small achievement, given all the other quintessentially American number one distinctions we’ve recently lost. The Coney Island hot dog-eating championship, for example. In my youth it was enough for a native-born American to scarf 26 Nathan’s hot dogs in a ten-minute period.
As I recall, the crown-wearer didn’t earn his title lightly: He was 320 pounds of American man on the hoof. Or Reebok sneaker, as I believe was the case. Heavy was the body that wore the crown, indeed.
Well, you know the end of this story. The reigning champion is a 150-pound Japanese man who looks like he’s never even heard of heart disease, much less trained for years to become a prime candidate for it.
But the right to brag about hot dog-scarfing ability is only the latest in a series of mom-and-apple-pie icons Americans have lost. Five and a half years ago, Hasbro Inc. moved the manufacture of Scrabble letter tiles from a plant in Fairfax, VT, to an offshore facility. Much was made of the fact that our Ps and Qs would no longer be stamped into Vermont Maplewood.
Actually, this doesn’t hurt quite as much. Given the state of America’s schools, a game based on the ability to spell correctly is in as much demand these days as hat blocking services.
While J. Howard Beales cited the spam statistic as a cause for alarm, I found his words reassuring. So what if the winning category isn’t one other nations want to claim? It’s nice to be number one again.
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