E-mail for Lazy Drunks? A Rant by Ken Magill
OK, so I’ll admit I’m not always in love with Google, given its propensity to do boneheaded things like celebrate the birthday of a 17th-century Spanish artist on its home page rather than mark the anniversary of D-Day…or commemorate anything that smacks of U.S. patriotism, for that matter.
However, Gmail is the mostly spam-free gem that just keeps getting gemmier.
The most recent wondrous feature comes in the form of canned response. Touted as “e-mail for the truly lazy,” canned response allows Gmail account holders to pre-write commonly used responses and send them with a click of a button when e-mails suitable for one of their canned responses arrive.
Judging from the mail I get, I can’t figure out whether to make “Bite me, jerky” or “Piss off, twit boy” my first canned response.
The new feature comes on the heels of another truly inspired Gmail innovation: Mail Goggles, a tool that helps protect those of us who like to imbibe a little more than we should from sending messages late on a Friday or Saturday night that we may regret in the morning.
Mail Goggles forces the sender to solve a few simple math problems before the message goes out.
“When you enable Mail Goggles, it will check that you’re really sure you want to send that late night Friday e-mail,” wrote Gmail engineer Jon Perlow in a post announcing the feature. “And what better way to check than by making you solve a few simple math problems after you click send to verify you’re in the right state of mind?”
First they invent a tool to protect reckless drunks, and now they create one for the “truly lazy”? It’s like they’re reading my mind — what’s left of it, anyway.
What’ll they come up with next, a feature for fat, abrasive trade columnists of questionable talent?
“Do you really want to send that abusive response, Ken? The reader was simply pointing out the flaws in your logic, and swearing is for lazy people who are out of ideas. We know, we know, you’ve been out of original ideas for years, but do you have to take it out on others? That column begged for far worse than she gave you.
“And about your drinking. Did you really need to crack open that last beer? It’s 2 a.m., for Pete’s sake, and you really could stand to lose about 40 pounds.
“Fifty, you say? Well, yes, but we were trying to be nice.
“There, that’s right. Just go to bed, sleep this bender off, and we’ll write an e-mail thanking the reader for her clearly well-thought-out input and send it off on your behalf, OK, buddy? Good night. Don’t forget to let the dog out, and no throwing up on the way down the hall.”
Gmail: Best e-mail service ever.
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