One of my first jobs in direct marketing was as a freelance writer for retail catalogs. On a quiet night, I could write an entire 32- to 48-page catalog. Was it great writing? Hardly. Did it do the job? Not as well as it could have, had anyone explained to me what real catalog copy was.
Most of the catalogs out there today seem to be written in the same manner that I used in my novice days: Just churn it out, regardless of whether the copy’s tone matches the catalog’s positioning or the same words have been used in a million other catalogs before.
Thankfully, there are exceptions. In fact, some catalogers actually manage to work poetry into their copy.
Most feel that it’s easier to write long, hence the never-ending battle between art and copy for space on the page. Here, we’ll look at comparisons in short copy, which generally is harder to write. Examples of bad writing shall remain nameless, but good work will be identified.
Let’s look at linen catalog copy. Here’s a typical paragraph:
Fleur-de-rose bedding. Our creamy white cotton bedding is daintily embroidered with ribbons of flowering vines. Polyfill; machine wash.
Says what it is, but who cares?
Now let’s look at an item from the Garnet Hill catalog:
Starlight Percale. Heaven sent. A generous shower of blue and green stars is printed on a snow white background of cool cotton percale with 200 threads per inch. Universal fitted sheets accommodate most mattresses. Available only from Garnet Hill USA.
Garnet Hill’s copy is so luscious, here’s another sampling:
Rainbow Flannel. What color is comfort? Our yarn-dyed cotton flannel offers a full spectrum of possibilities with woven stripes in 12 tantalizing shades. Universally fitted sheets. Made in Portugal exclusively for Garnet Hill.
Apparel is next, leading with the boring version:
Scarlet Silk Robe and Gown. Our exclusive silk charmeuse robe and gown offers elegance and comfort. The iris pattern is striking against the vibrant red background. Plunging V-neck both front and back in a 25-inch front slit from hem. Bias cut for feminine drape. Exquisite attention to detail with piped edges. French seams and top stitching. Matching wrap robe and solid charmeuse trim on shawl collar and pockets.
How many overused words do you count (elegance, striking, vibrant, exquisite and so on)? Not to mention there’s no flow to the copy, just a listing of the robe’s features.
Try this, from Chambers:
Spun Silk Gown and Robe. Whisper-soft next to the skin, pure silk has just enough weight to drape gracefully. Comfortable for sleeping or lounging, the sleeveless, floor-length gown has a soft V-neck with two dyed-to-match buttons on the placket. An inverted back pleat and side slits allow it to flutter loosely around the body. The kimono-style robe is generously cut and as beautifully finished as the gown. Natural or blush.
After reading this you want to slip into a gown that can “flutter” and caress your skin the second it arrives!
Tiburon avoids the fashion trap of “Only the picture matters” with tightly written but consumer-savvy copy:
Stretch Velour Long Skirt. A little Lycra goes a long way. So feel free to run to a meeting or kick up your heels in this slimming skirt. Pull-on waist with front and back darts for a smooth fit. Elegant mid-calf length. Garment-washed cotton/nylon/Lycra.
Compare the above with this more mundane (and, sadly, more traditional) fashion copy:
Textured Crepe Suiting. The basics for building a beautiful fall wardrobe. Wrinkle-resistant triacetate/polyester; dry clean.
Why would I need this basic suit over any other in a million other catalogs? Why hasn’t “wrinkle-resistant,” certainly a benefit, been given more emphasis?
Home decor copy can be one of the worst offenders, with platitudes streaming but absolutely no personality in evidence.
A typically bad one:
Hampton Mantel Clock. The classic features of our elegant mantel clock include beaded molding, an aged dial, Roman numerals, volume control and a nighttime shutoff for the chimes. Chimes beautifully on the hour. Windsor cherry finish with a quartz dual chime movement.
OK, it’s serviceable, but more enthusiasm in the copy creates more enthusiasm in a potential buyer.
This is from The Stonehill Collection, a relative newcomer:
Nostalgic Table Clock. This engagingly functional table clock will fit so easily into your decor you’ll find it indispensable. A weathered brass frame, like an old ship’s fitting, surrounds an antiqued ivory face that rests on scrolled legs. It takes an AA battery. The clock measures 5-1/2 inches in diameter and stands 7 inches high.
In this case the copy sets up a romantic escape, but backs it up with how the journey promises to be functional.
How is it that some copy sizzles while other writing fizzles? Garnet Hill public relations manager Kimberly Aylward says that the cataloger’s copywriter practically lives with the merchandise.
“Our copywriter Marilinne Cooper has an office in the merchandise department, so she sees how the products are developed, the story behind them and the techniques that go into development.”
Marilinne has been with Garnet Hill for years and is a personal fan of the products – she takes them home and uses them herself. She doesn’t just immerse herself in Garnet Hill’s products, she makes sure to keep abreast of what the competition is selling. Her excitement about the merchandising process clearly comes through in her copy, but there’s another secret to the way her words flow: She writes mystery novels on the side!
My impression of Stonehill’s chief copywriter David Davis is that he just seems to love to write. But he has another attribute I had never noticed before in a writer: He hates to see too much type on the page. Because he knows the catalog looks better when the pictures aren’t being overwhelmed by a lot of type, he enjoys the challenge of trying to say a lot in a little space.
David says his merchandising people do a good job of collecting the information he needs to compose the copy so it contains “something that strikes the customer in some way that makes them laugh or react.” But he is also very willing to get on the phone and call vendors himself if he needs that extra tidbit that will take the copy to a higher level.
Stonehill president John Himelfarb says that he’s always admired catalogs in which every product’s subhead has a call to action that makes you feel as though you must own that particular item. But subheads are, more often than not, a luxury of long copy. In Stonehill’s case, John’s direction is to “describe the product in a way that empathizes with someone’s life, be it nostalgia, whimsy, whatever.”
In talking with freelance writer Jody Winer, I was reminded that good writers must put themselves in the customer’s mindset. Even if it’s not a product that the writer uses, he or she must believe in the product, its advantages and its quality. As Jody says, “Try to focus on the unique benefits of that particular product and translate those in a way that fits with the target audience’s life.”
In great copy there is a rhythm, a flow. So it’s not surprising to learn that Jody also writes poetry. As is the case with all great copywriters, they simply love words. Jody adds that “writing copy keeps me limber and even helps me write better poetry. Strong copy uses sound and music to tap emotion.”
A couple of Jody’s tricks: Use active verbs (“Because they engage the customer and make something happen”); use of the word you creates intimacy (“Makes it feel like you’re really talking to the person”); and editing. If you care about words, you will go back and revise your own work. She advises writers to “cut the fluff and use language that is both fresh and animates the product.”
You also need to love words enough to collect them. I used to search through magazines and make note of great words I could use in my own writing. Jody’s suggested resources are a thesaurus and – interestingly enough – other catalogs.
I’ve used only a few examples of writers who turn out solid short catalog copy, largely because there aren’t many who can. A good number of catalogers run well-written medium-length to long copy. Some examples of the latter you might check out are Griot’s Garage, Harry & David, Levenger, New Pig and Patagonia.
I’ve often said that Patagonia is the only cataloger I know of whose copy could convince me that I really, really do need five different types of outdoor jackets.
Now that’s good writing.
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