A Long Way from Rydell High
When it comes to pitching "return to school" merchandise, marketers have overlooked an elementary lesson: Know Your Market.
Granted, they've probably done market research on what's likely to move this fall among school-age lads and lasses. Why else would a late-summer circular from retailer Kohl's feature a model dressed as though she were on her way to an audition at the Pussycat Lounge?
But there's a conflict between apparel marketers' offerings and what a child actually needs – or will be permitted to wear – once the academic year starts. Consider the following dress code guidelines from one academic institution – neither a religious one nor an especially conservative one, at that:
"While we appreciate that clothing is a form of self-expression, please refrain from wearing any clothing that shows disrespect towards others or is distracting to the educational learning process. Below are listed some, but not all, examples of inappropriate dress for school:
"Tank top shirts; Cut-off shorts; Cut-off sweats; Spaghetti straps; Halter tops; Midriff tops; Short skirts; Sagging pants; See-through shirts/tops; Long hanging belts and/or chains; Shredded or ripped clothing; Lounge/pajama bottoms; Slippers; Pants with a slogan written across the buttocks; Shirts with inappropriate wording and/or pictures; Hats/caps/sunglasses/coats in the building
"In general: Undergarments must be covered, shoes must be worn at all times, tops must cover the student's entire torso, and skirts must be mid-thigh length or longer. For safety reasons, students are required to wear adequate footwear in classes such as Science, Industrial Technology, and PE. Staff members have the discretion to determine if clothing is appropriate.
"If a student wears inappropriate clothing to school, he/she will be asked to change or parents will be contacted to bring a change of clothing. If a student refuses to follow directions or repeatedly violates the dress code, administrative action will be taken."
Now contrast that with Kohl's featured "short-sleeved graphic tees for juniors." The designs for girls include slogans such as "I Dig Cowboys" and "You Looked Better on My Space" [sic].
The long-sleeved graphic tees continue the roping and riding theme by emblazoning "Professional Cowboy Wrangler" across the budding bosom of one young model. Offended by that last sentence? Hey, I'm not the one marketing it as appropriate in-school wear.
Combine this with the verboten tank tops and you've got the entire page three spread from Kohl's. One can only imagine that the catalog's designer, looking to write off a trip to England, got hold of several London tabloids which routinely feature busty beauties on their third pages.
Is what's sauce for the goose sauce for the gander? Not when it comes to dressing for males. A featured photos of boys wearing "Dickies" brand apparel, with the name stretched across their chests, is about as racy as it gets – and that's only if one has a moderately perverse twist of mind.
Other than that, lad's tees feature the Superman logo, and images of the Flash. No muscle shirts, no pint-sized Chippendales' breakaway tuxedo jackets. Why does Kohl's think boys should be boys, but girls should dress to make Sandra Dee at the end of "Grease" blush?
The curious selection of items featured as potential-back-to-school purchases isn't limited to clothing. Why, exactly, does Kohl's think that a college student (or, indeed, anyone) needs a mirrored disco ball for the dorm room? Yet this item is listed as a back-to-school necessity.
Furthermore, just as the time for road trips will end with summer, so to will the time for a new iPod. This is doubly true when these items are advertised as coming in handy "When the scenery gets boring." Scenery? It's called an algebra teacher, and if it gets boring just imagine it in a midriff top or ripped clothes with slogans written across the buttocks.
