This month’s question:
Every cell phone company seems to make the same pitch. And every one of those pitches makes a big promise in 48-point type, then retracts most of the promise in six-point type. Is that effective marketing?
This month’s “Ugh” answer:
If by “effective” you mean being competitive, then these ads qualify. If by effective you mean suggesting competitive uniqueness, they don’t. If by effective you mean adding to consumer credibility, you have to be kidding.
“Free incoming calls.” Yawn. “Powerful phones.” Snore. “Free camera phone.” A simple lie. “Unlimited nights and weekends.” Sure, with a load of ifs and buts. “Forty dollars a month for 300 anytime minutes.” Uh-oh – “See below” for multiple exclusions. “Save $180 instantly.” That’s easy – don’t subscribe.
What these mobile phone companies are doing, within the technically remarkable spectrum of allowing you to walk down the street or smack into another car while connected to just about any other phone in the world, is adding a little more damage to the credibility of all advertising. A simple example: The guy who wears a black raincoat while everybody else is in shirtsleeves and shorts pitches the $40-a-month-for-300-anytime-minutes deal. Oh? I guess he didn’t see the double asterisks: “Taxes and surcharges (including a USF charge of 2.54%, which may change monthly), cost-recovery fees of $0.65 and other surcharges that vary by market not included. Surcharges are not taxes or government-required charges.”
Gee, what statesmanship! The charges may change monthly, and we’re asked for a two-year commitment. And by the way, whoever wrote that – it should be “nor government-required charges,” not “or.”
As the classic TV pitch goes: But wait, there’s more! “Coverage not available everywhere … A nonrefundable $36 phone activation fee and $150 early termination fee apply …” You get the idea.
OK, Mr. Ugh, what would YOU have done?
That’s easy. I’d have avoided a promise I had to modify in the mice type. Maintaining integrity is as simple and uncomplicated as saying – and this is aimed at management, not at the grunts who have to implement obfuscations – “I’m not going to have a single asterisk in my ad. I may have to make a different promise, but whatever promise I make will be one that’s clear, straightforward, and undamaged by the cancer of hidden take-backs.”
An impossible dream? Of course it is. But you asked.
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