Last week, New York City hosted several hotly contested primary races. Now, in primary elections candidates typically rely on rallying party faithful – which means the more one has participated in the past, the higher one’s name is on the electorate sucker lists used by candidates.
What makes this especially galling is that one of the most frequently used – I’ll even say abused – mediums is telemarketing. Remember telemarketing? That’s the medium most of these folks, once we vote them into office, inveigh against.
But the rules for politicians are different than they are for you and me. They are allowed to call people on the do-not-call list. That being the case, we should be smart enough to make them work for us. Might not legislators, always on the lookout for additional sources of revenue, allow direct marketers to piggyback their wares onto candidate calls?
Consider the following possibilities:
“This is John McCain. Arizona may be the only state in the country where mothers don’t tell their children they can grow up to be president. Don’t take my word for it – just ask Barry Goldwater, Bruce Babbitt and Mo Udall. Despite this, the Arizona Tourism Board wants you to know that for natural beauty, few other states offer…”
“This is Senator Bill Frist of Tennessee. I’m not just a Republican Senator; I’m an MD who specializes in long-distance diagnoses. Even though we’ve never met I can say that if you’re a male, aged 40 or above, there’s a necessary medical procedure you should have once a year. Now, with a standard policy from Aetna…”
“Hello, I’m Joe Lieberman, ‘Democratic’ Senator from Connecticut.” “And I’m Lincoln Chafee, ‘Republican’ of Rhode Island.” “You know, Lincoln, people are always saying we belong on the other side of the political fence.” “That’s right, Joe, and that’s why we’d like to take this opportunity to introduce homeowners to Armstrong Fences…”
“I’m John Dingell, Democratic Representative from Michigan. Cver since airport screening was increased to a higher level, my metal hip has been setting off alarms from Dulles to Logan. That’s why I’d like to tell you about Delta’s Preferred Customer Program…”
“This is Tammy Baldwin, Democratic Representative from Wisconsin. You know, my domestic partner and I belong to a group historically discriminated against, a group that has been kept out of jobs, harassed at the workplace, a group that’s been unfairly stereotyped and made the object of rude and base humor. We’re both blondes. If you’d like to join us in solidarity, Miss Clairol #12G…”
“This is Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Want to know what comes between me and my Ferragamos? Nothing – except Support-Hose from Dr. Scholl…”
“This is Ted Stevens, Republican of Alaska. You know, the 49th state is known more for salmon than pork, but as chairman of the Senate Appropriations committee I assure you that I’m quite the expert on ‘the other white meat.’ That’s why the National Pork Advisory Board has asked me to share some of my favorite recipes…”
“This is Michael Brown. You know, employment situations in a dynamic economy can change rapidly, and if you’re faced with a sudden loss of job, consider AccountTemps Placement Services…”
“You are probableh wondahing why a prominent Massachusetts Senatah such as myself is pitching student drivah lessons. Well, there’s a funny story…”
To voice your opinion about this column, please contact e-mail: rlevey@primediabusiness.com
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