Only those with 20/20 vision or a magnifying glass could figure out they’re selling a way to help small businesses with rich online expertise
OK, CLASS, let’s see if you’ve been paying attention. Like salt, pepper and garlic in a stew, what are four essential ingredients in an effective direct response ad?
Good, you do remember:
1. Does it call out to the prospect?
2. Does it explain the product?
3. Does it make a promise?
4. Is it clear?
Now let’s take a look at this issue’s makeover guinea pig, an advertisement for an online service called DigitalWork, and see how it measures up.
You, in the back of the class. What does the headline say?
Oh, you can’t read it? Not surprising, since it’s in tiny white letters. But if you were 12 inches away, you would see that it says, “Only the Bus Comes for Those Who Wait.”
Well, that doesn’t exactly call out to small business owners, does it? And it’s not very clear.
Does it perhaps mean to say, “The Bus Comes Only for Those Who Wait”?
Maybe. But the picture seems to be saying something else. Something more like, “Only Those Who Wait Get to Ride the Bus. Everybody Else, Like the Guy in the Blue Shirt, Has to Walk.”
But he seems happy, not frustrated. So maybe the picture is saying, “Only Faceless Mediocrities Are Dumb Enough to Wait for a Bus That Never Comes. Smart People Know You’re Better Off Walking.” (This assumes that the bus is on a leisurely weekend schedule and seems to take forever to arrive.)
But what in the world has this got to do with helping small business owners perform essential tasks online?
Now if those of you in the back row couldn’t read the headline, you certainly aren’t able to read the body copy, since it’s printed in even smaller white type and set in the extra-wide measure that so many of today’s art directors believe is way cool.
To help you out, here’s what it says…
But if you blaze your own path, there’s DigitalWork. By providing the power to complete tasks ranging from recruiting to collecting bad debts, DigitalWork is revolutionizing the way small businesses work. We’ve teamed up with many of the best business sites on the Web, like Prodigy Business Solutions, and together we can help you get more done. And the best part about it is you’re still the boss. Charge ahead at http://prodigy-business.digitalwork.com.
Well, at last the ad finally gets around to disclosing to whom it’s addressed, what it’s selling and how this is beneficial. But the copy is still pretty skimpy and uninformative.
In the headline of my makeover, I call out to the targeted prospect, emphatically define the problem to which DigitalWork offers a solution, and suggest the benefit.
It could be argued that the claim in my headline is a little too modest. But sometimes what you lose in power with a modest claim, you gain in credibility.
The illustration reinforces the message in the headline by showing the same guy wearing 10 different hats.
But I made it a cap instead of a hat because men don’t really wear hats today except at temple or under the tropical sun. Those of you in the back row can’t read the words on the caps, but if you were looking at the ad at normal reading distance, you would easily see that the 10 labels on the 10 caps are as follows…
– Ad Manager
– Publicity
– Direct Mail
– Recruiting
– Sales
– Credit
– Tech Support
– Training
– Software
– Legal
…each one broadening the selling appeal.
Then the copy spells out clearly what DigitalWork is and what it offers, in very readable type.
I think this approach would produce far more desirable site traffic.
What do you say, class?
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