What’s wrong with this statement by somebody who supposedly is a professional salesperson?
“An authoritarian source says this move is imperative.”
You guessed right. Or better yet, you didn’t guess – you already knew – we’re deep in The Age of Skepticism, and dynamic words such as authoritarian and imperative can turn off a prospective buyer. Coming on like the Emperor Tiberius is just as dangerous as sniveling with half-salesmanship.
So beware of imperatives that imply a power-mad attitude. An easy fix for the sample sentence might be:
“You know the computer authority James James, don’t you? Well, he says this move is imperative, and I guess we’d be well off listening to him.” What’s the difference? As is the standard difference between one-to-one and one-to-zero, it’s the message-recipient’s “acceptance quotient.”
Here’s a mini-quiz on that point: What three problems with imperatives does this construction, in a communication to prospects, have?
“To qualify for this offer, you must give our operator the four-number code above your name on your Sweepstakes Coupon. You must also confirm that you own the home you live in and are not a present subscriber.”
The first and third are obvious. “You must…” will have some readers responding: “Says who?”
Two rules apply here. The first is The Bank Robber Rule: Don’t take off your mask until you’re outside the bank.
The second is The Gigolo Courtship Rule: When you’re in the courtship phase, don’t let your true aggressive/compulsive personality show. Save it until after the wedding ceremony.
We’re dealing with prospects who don’t know us, for heaven’s sake. Why play drill-sergeant with these people when we can build rapport with: “To qualify for this offer, just tell our operator…”?
The second “must” imperative is as easy to soften as the first: “Also, confirm that you…”
But we’re looking for three culprits. What’s the third?
If you noticed that the very nature of this offer nakedly denigrates existing subscribers, good for you. Never use amateur wording which bestows second-class citizenship on existing family members. But that isn’t the point of this analysis.
No, the word we should be isolating and fumigating is “give.” Gigolos give flowers to their intended matrimonial victims; they take after the wedding. Smart courtship has the communicator playing the role of giver.
Oh, sure, I know all this wording asks the reader to do is give the operator the four-digit code; but “tell” is still in the lexicon, and “tell” switches apparent imperative into the reader’s hands…where, until the transaction occurs, it should be.
The very word “authority” calls up an image of a stern schoolteacher with a ruler in her hands. “Port of New York Authority” isn’t a name designed to project friendliness. “He’s an authority on this subject” is common enough; it establishes a deliberate gap between the authority and the rest of us, which may or may not be what you want the relationship to be. It’s your call. Make that call deliberately, not accidentally.
A useful alternative when you want to press but don’t want to take your friendly arm off the prospect’s shoulder is quoting an “Unidentified Authority.” For your files, here are some public domain Unidentified Authority “cop-out” statements:
– Research tells us that…
– It is estimated that…
– It has been established that…
– For a great many reasons [UNIDENTIFIED]…
– A great man once said…
– Many agree that…
– Certain factors make it imperative that…
– Certain materials cause a reaction that…
– It can be important to remember that…
– It very well might have been that…
Notice the careful wording of the last two. “It can be important to remember that” is far less likely to generate hostility than “It’s important to remember that…” and “It very well might have been that…” is actually stronger but less likely to abrade than the mild but not-as-mild “It may have been that….”
Oh, and did you notice – the word “that,” which we usually try to eschew, is a common factor in an Unidentified Authority cop-out statement.
“YOUR PARTNER IN…” One of the current cliches in advertising headlines is “Your Partner in [WHATEVER].” (Some others: “[WHATEVER] means business…”; “When it comes to [WHATEVER]…”; and “If you can find a better [WHATEVER]…”) If you pitch the “partner” approach, be certain to suggest the risks are yours, not your partner’s. People are delighted when someone offers to share a problem and help solve it; they aren’t so delighted when an outlander moves in and tries to wrest control or glom a look at information the prospect regards as private.
Once accepted as a partner, your authoritarian role still walks on eggs. That means word choices still have to be exquisitely chosen. For example:
“Not any” – as a statement of opinion – is more decisive and authoritative than “No.” “I don’t see any problem” bestows more authority on the message-transmitter than “I see no problem.”
I admit cheerfully these are bits and pieces. But the point remains constant: In a one-to-one communication, you’re the one who determines how much rapport gets injected into the relationship.
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