Look, up in the sky! It

Trailers for a recent movie showed Keanu Reeves telling a woman something to the effect that 90% of life is showing up.

If you’re reading this in McCormick Place in Chicago on (if the weather reports were correct) a chilly Sunday afternoon, thanks for showing up.

Strange time we live in, when one is moved to attempt quoting the star of “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” isn’t it?

I-like many of you, I suspect-was of two minds about coming to this conference. The prospect of traveling to a city I love to visit was enticing, as was the opportunity to connect with friends and business associates I hadn’t seen in quite some time. But the thought of traveling by air and being far away from family for a few days wasn’t high on my hit parade. But like you, I’m here, because all of our presences are important to show support for the industry at a time it sorely needs our props.

Back in all of our offices and homes, the level of tension has been high. By now, each of us has a tale of some postal scare to add to our repertoire of personal impact since Sept. 11. My husband’s office, for example, called in the police to collect a suspect package with white dust on it early last week.

In my own home, I had an odd moment one morning. After sitting in on a lengthy teleconference discussing DIRECT’s news coverage strategy for the anthrax crisis, I walked to my front entryway to collect the mail that just dropped through the slot. My eyes widened with suspicion at the puffy, clearly hand-sealed white envelope lying address-side down on top of the pile.

Using only my fingertips I gingerly lifted the package to see the other side…and immediately felt like a paranoid idiot with delusions of being Dan Rather. No death to the U.S.A. warnings here, just a belated birthday gift from my mother (who is certainly no terrorist).

Sigh.

A strange time, for sure. Again, thanks for showing up. Here’s wishing everyone a prosperous, enjoyable and safe conference. Peace.

What a Nice Magazine

THE OTHER NIGHT AT DINNER, a friend mentioned something about Rosie O’Donnell’s new magazine.

What a Nice Magazine

THE OTHER NIGHT AT DINNER, a friend mentioned something about Rosie O’Donnell’s new magazine.

Thunderbird 1 Takes Off for London

Each year when I return home from the International Direct Marketing Fair (IDMF) in London, I’m happy to bring back news of the goings-on across the pond. I’m talking about important, heady stuff — like the then upcoming invasion of the Teletubbies, or fascinating facts about the Spice Girls. This year, I’m just thankful I didn’t bring back foot-and-mouth disease.

The sad epidemic (more than 700 cases as of this writing) was the top story throughout the United Kingdom. But at the IDMF, the issues at hand were more familiar to American DMers. Customer relationship management was the buzz du jour, and everyone was wondering how the dot-com world will shake out.

One big difference this year was the fair’s move from Wembley to the newly built ExCel center in London’s Docklands area. My first impression was that the venue seemed more American than Wembley, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint why. It’s large and airy, with white clean walls — a stark contrast to the dark and gray winding hallways of Wembley, which felt to this Yankee more English, like the ruins of a castle that had stood the test of time.

I soon realized what the change was: The air wasn’t as thick. ExCel, according to posted signs, was a no-smoking facility. Of course, soon after I observed this I saw people lighting up, but it was nice while it lasted. My dream of not sitting in a cloud of smoke while I’m eating my tuna sandwich at the fair continues.

Getting to ExCel, while simple in theory, proved difficult for many. The site is accessible by Docklands Light Rail, which connects to the London Underground. Congestion on the Jubilee Underground line delayed a number of attendees — myself included — on the second day of the show, traditionally the busiest. (A quick kudo to the London Transit System here: The announcements updating riders on the delay were actually understandable, a phenomenon I’ve never run into on any of the several U.S. transit systems I’ve been stuck on.)

Final combined attendance for the fair and its three concurrent sister shows — Marketing IT, New Media Marketing and TelecommercExpo — topped 12,000, according to Reed Exhibitions, the show’s organizers. This was the debut year for the IT and telecommerce events, and exhibitor reaction was mixed. Many expressed dismay at the light foot traffic in the new shows’ aisles, while others said the quality of the leads they generated well made up for the lack of passersby.

Last year, the expo attracted a record 14,000 visitors due to New Media Marketing’s rollout, capitalizing on the dot-com craze. This year, one could say the show’s attendance — like that of our own Direct Marketing Association’s net.marketing conference — had a bit more traditional English reserve.

Speaking of our DMA, this is a good place to note that it hosted its first European trade mission to coincide with the IDMF. Six companies participated in the trip, which will become an annual event, according to Charles A. Prescott, DMA vice president for international business development and government affairs.

Touring the exhibit hall floor was naturally part of the trade mission’s agenda. As usual, there were a number of eye-catching booths. One firm had a gaggle of Pink Ladies from “Grease,” while another offered the opportunity to be photographed with cardboard superhero stand-ups. Thanks more to jet lag than a belief in things mystical, I stood mystified by a magician at another firm’s booth (how did that coin appear in my hand?). At yet another stand, possessed by my inner 5-year-old, I got talked into posing for a photo wearing a “Thunderbirds” costume.

(“Thunderbirds” is a 1960s British children’s show about an elite military squad, produced in what I believe was called “Supermarionation.” Other than that, it defies explanation. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean. I thought I had hallucinated it as a child until as an adult I finally met someone else who had seen the show. I felt such a bond over this I married that man.)

Perhaps many in the United Kingdom wish the “Thunderbirds” squad really did exist, so they could fight foot-and-mouth (how’s that for a transition?). In the thank-goodness-for-small-favors department, it looks like the epidemic won’t have any impact on our industry.

Prescott noted he thought the only direct marketers whose business might be affected would be those based near areas where there had been an outbreak.

Showing a bit of black humor, he added that for U.S. DMers, the outbreak could have been an opportunity if regulations were different: “It’s a pity Omaha Steaks couldn’t market beef in the U.K.”

BETH NEGUS VIVEIROS (Beth [email protected]) is executive editor of DIRECT. She walked over several disinfectant mats before writing this column, so feel free to let your livestock read this magazine.

Meeting Mother’s Little Helper

SHARP-EYED READERS noticed last issue that DIRECT’s editorial director Ray Schultz and I recently had our column photos reshot. For me, it was apparently not a moment too soon.

As I opened my mail last week, I realized that it’s good this magazine has documented what’s left of my looks before I completely fall apart. I must be on some sort of rapid decline, for why else would something called Plastic Surgery Magazine show up uninvited in my mailbox?

After recovering from my initial horror, I was overcome with fascination that such a publication existed, and wondered what was inside. Updates on the latest nose styles? How-to articles about DIY liposuction?

Alas, I was wrong on all counts. Plastic Surgery Magazine wasn’t a real publication at all, but a magazine-style advertisement for Zymax, a new diet pill. Oh, so I don’t look so bad; I just need to lose a few pounds. The mailing promoted the dieting mother’s little helper as a surgery-free way to gain energy and drop weight. Does the pill work? That’s not for me to judge.

Losing weight, for many people, has a wonderful psychological effect, making them feel better about themselves and happier overall. Mail

Hey! Listen to Me!!!!!!

Listening. It’s really a lost art, isn’t it? Last December, my hairdresser and I discussed holiday menus. She told me that she’s been a vegetarian since birth, for a very practical reason: She has trouble digesting meat. Even the smallest portion of Christmas roast beast would make her too ill to enjoy the rest of the celebration.

But every year, an aunt asks her the same questions: