Out of a selfless desire to give back to the direct response marketing industry, I have launched a write-in campaign to become the next governor of the great state of California.
While I have no intention of moving from New York City, I will address the residency restriction by establishing a mail drop in Sacramento. Were I a direct marketer, doing so would allow the state to collect taxes from me. It therefore stands to reason that I should be allowed to pursue political office within the state as if I were a resident.
In return for the industry’s support, I have designed a platform geared toward rewarding direct response marketers. If elected, I will:
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Nationalize Sharper Image Corp. and correct the state’s budget deficit through the sale of Ionic Breeze air purifiers and electronic massage chairs.
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Mobilize the National Guard and make sure that all parcels processed in California are delivered within 24 hours
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