Masters of Our Domains
News item: The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) has approved several new Web site domain names. Standbys such as .com for commercial entities, .org for nonprofits and .gov for government institutions soon will be joined by .post for postal organizations, .jobs for human resource entities and .travel for the travel industry.
Since the direct marketing industry is the engine behind the Web’s commercial success, ICANN might consider adding a few more domains that represent what folks encounter on various sites.
Some suggestions follow.
.AA: This site features games that are addictive. No, we mean really, really addictive.
.ACT: For companies whose service reps are out-of-work actors. Brace yourself for histrionics and attitude when placing an order.
.BLOG: The service reps write Weblogs about unruly customers. Unless you want to be featured by name in their “Hell Clients” sections, it’s probably best to keep interactions civil.
.B2B: This site does not process product orders in quantities of less than 144 units each.
.CFO: For a nominal fee, this company will create dummy invoices for your accounting department.
.CHI: Remember Al Capone? Remember John Dillinger? Remember Bugs Moran? We don’t. This domain is reserved for legitimate business enterprises. Got that?
.FDX: Want ordered merchandise to arrive before the next Ice Age? Better choose your shipping company smartly…
.GAS: In light of today’s fuel prices, expect to have a healthy shipping fee tacked on to the final cost of your order.
.MAC: In an effort to coddle die-hard Apple Computer customers, this site will only work on 3% of all browsers.
.NEW: Order quickly. This dot.com wasn’t here last week, and likely won’t be here next week.
.PAY: This site caters to consumers who can’t be bothered with comparison shopping.
.POP: When you log on to this site, you are going to be bombarded with pop-up windows. No, we mean really bombarded. You’d have to be a centipede on amphetamines to close them all before 80 more open.
.SUK: “Hello, suckers!” Sites for people who don’t see the hazards of giving their credit card numbers to offshore casinos and their ilk.
.TEK: The information on this site is of such a technically sophisticated nature that only your 12-year-old nephew is going to be able to understand it.
.TEL: Information on this site will be so confusingly presented that you’ll need to dial one of its call center reps for clarification — at the non-member rate of $3.99 per minute.
.USD: This company believes wholeheartedly in the supremacy of the U.S. dollar. Which is odd, since most of its goods are manufactured in China.
.121: This site will be your best friend. No, really. No, it does not say that to all the visitors.
RICHARD H. LEVEY ([email protected]) is a senior writer for Direct. His Loose Cannon column appears every Monday on Direct Newsline (www.directmag.com).
