Loose Cannon: Humpty Dumpty Does Direct Marketing
Are advertising planners who fail to include eggs right next to direct mail, DRTV and magazine space ads in their channel mixes doing their clients an injustice? Before answering, know that eggs have become the newest of new advertising media.
According to The New York Times, a technology firm called EggFusion uses lasers to etch expiration dates directly onto eggshells. But what works for expiration dates also works for marketing messages: The technology has already been commandeered by grocery chains, and come September, CBS-TV is going to be teasing shows in its fall lineup on 35 million eggs.
CBS is welcome to use as many eggs as it wants for this branding campaign. But an eggshell, which is yanked out of a refrigerator and destroyed almost immediately, is not a stable medium for a direct marketing message.
Regardless a few foolhardy direct marketers will test using eggs. Some people just can’t keep their hands off of the latest, farm-fresh technology. For them, I offer a few cautionary considerations.
1. Eggs are not good channels for inbound telemarketing campaigns.
If the offer is tempting enough, consumers will put off making their omelets and start dialing, thereby going through the usual two-hour phone tree rigamarole. I hope marketers will provide remedies for the cases of salmonella that will result from using the forgotten eggs.
2. Eggshells are not good information-capturing vehicles.
Most likely, a reply form printed on a shell is going to wind up in 50 pieces. But even assuming an especially meticulous eggshell peeler, writing contact information on a brittle, curved surface is a dubious proposition. And then there’s the matter of returning the shell usably intact to the data entry center. At some point the typists, who are going to be up to their armpits in eggshells, are going to rebel.
3. As goes the egg, so goes the advertising message.
Eggs gone bad have a horrible smell. Not exactly the medium one wants associated with one’s message. Consider this when contemplating your media mix: A three-month-old magazine page does not take on a sulfurous odor.
4. Hold off on the egg puns.
If everyone makes the same jokes, consumers won’t be able to differentiate advertisers from one another. According to the Times, CBS has cornered the market on every bad pun involving shells, scrambling and frying. Each of its eggs will tout one show, along with lines such as “Crack the Case,” “Leave the Yolks to Us” or “Grade-A CBS Comedy.” One program features “professional poachers.” With the exceptions perhaps of Shell Oil and L’eggs pantyhose, most brands that rely on an egg reference aren’t going to out-shine the novelty of the medium.
5. Nice trees. Remember the forest.
Bid fast for the rights to print on the cartons: They last a lot longer, and you can include clippable loyalty points and response coupons on them.
As for the eggs themselves, I’d recommend the hard sell approach. May I suggest “After you enjoy your egg, remember to take your Lipitor”?
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