Thank God I’m Married: A Quick Visit to the Online Dating World
A quick tour of two of the Web’s most popular dating portals have confirmed something I’ve long suspected. If I were alone, I’d be a crazy cat lady, because I don’t think I could take the stress of dating, on- or off-line.
It just seems like too much work. I’m not a naysayer when it comes to using marketing to market one’s own self, mind you. I have several friends who have found their spouses in places like chat rooms and personal ads, so I know it does work.
Still, I don’t think it would be for me. Not that marketers still haven’t tried to get my husband and I to look, though. Just last week, my better half got a direct mail piece from a dating service.
I called him a work to inform him of this opportunity.
“Yeah? Is it free?” he asked.
No, I said. I don’t think so.
“Never mind then. What’s for dinner?”
As you can see, like all good unions our marriage is based on a shared thriftiness,…and the fact I can cook.
For this month’s CM Plus, I ventured into two dating portals. First up was Match.com, which greeted me with a black and white image of a woman holding a large meat hook, on which was a hunk of raw beef. The caption? “I want lettuce.” Um, yeah. Folks, that’s not appealing as a romantic overture or a marketing tactic.
Match.com immediately asks me what gender I am, and which gender I’m seeking, as well as my age range and zip code. I apprehensively type them in (as I’m not actually looking), and suddenly am presented with a number of decent looking fellows looking for love somewhere in my vicinity. The pictures are okay, but some of the screen names are a bit off-putting. (I won’t list any to protect the guilty.)
Searchers can get more specific about their potential mates, by specifying body type, relationship history, height, zodiac sign, turn-ons, best features (c’mon—admit it–who loves feet?), job, income, lifestyle, politics, faith and ethnicity.
Match.com members can also access MindFindBind with Doctor Phil, a series of informational lessons on how to find your match. “If you’re not really excited about being yourself,” says the good Doctor, “no one will be excited to be with you.”
I dunno. If I don’t take advice well from my mother, I’m sure as heck not going to take it from this guy, even if he does know Oprah.
Next, I pop over to eHarmony.com. I’m relived to see there’s something there for married couples as well as singles. The site offers a new online counseling program for couples to make their marriages “stronger, happier and healthier.”
A seven day money back guarantee is offered on the service, which gives users 12 20-minute video exercises to help the state of their union.
Sounds great, but my marriage is fine, thanks. And if something should go wrong, I’ve got a lead on where I can get a dozen tabbies cheap.
