News, the Broken Variety: Interviews
This Week’s News: Interviews
For this edition, our very own Cauldron Larynx hits the streets to
interview three up-and-comers in the affiliate marketing space. We
are certain you will enjoy. The first EXCLUSIVE is with Jean
Faremone, the marvel behind Jean’s Jeans. Our second interview is
with Cecil Barder, founder and CEO of OneNonHate, a non-profit peace
brigade. And our third interviewee is really in for it, as Cauldron
has brought Wilbert Cunningham into our offices to discuss Wilbert’s
building and selling of an item that Cauldron is claiming to have
invented "in his mind as a kid." Now Cauldron wants royalties and the
fire is really gonna fly!
JeanMapping
Cauldron Larynx: Monday, January 14th. Here I sit with the gorgeous
genius behind Jean’s Jeans, Jean Faremone.
Jean Faremone: Pleased to be here, Cauldron, thank you for having me.
CL: Thank you for letting me have you! Your "faremones" really have
me buzzing!
JF: [laughing]. Cauldron, I always heard you were a flirt. Stay on
task, bad boy.
CL: Ok, back to business. Seriously, Jean. I am wearing your jeans
right now and WOW. They are more comfortable than Sevens, more
stylish than Lucky and crisper than True Religion, and without the
stupid "buttons on the butt" as well. Hate those things.
JF: Multiple thank yous. People really seem to be taking to them.
And the affiliate networks are clamoring for exclusivity, but I am
happy spreading the wealth.
CL: Taking to them?! I’ll say. I heard traffic to your site
www.jeanmapping.com has quadrupled in the last month alone!
JF: And after an interview with the esteemed Cauldron Larynx, it is
sure to quadruple again! And you just, just wear them so well.
CL: Oh stop. Don’t MAKE ME take my jeans off.
JF: [blushing] oh.
CL: [intrigued] oh?
JF: [randy] oh.
**INTERVIEW SUSPENDED FOR UNSPECIFIED REASON**
ONENONHATE
Cauldron Larynx: So today is Tuesday, January 15th. I have with me
Cecil Barder, founder and CEO of OneNonHate. Fascinating, just
remarkable. Cecil, thank you for coming.
Cecil Barder: And thank you, Cauldron.
CL: So tell us about you and your concept.
CB: Well, it all started when I traveled to the Middle East and
witnesssed all the violence and hatred and animosity and trouble.
CL: Please, tell us more.
CB: Then I went to Darfur, and witnessed the world’s most tragic
modern genocide.
CL: okay.
CB: then I educated myself on the saddening effects of
crime in this Country.
CL: right.
CB: So I came up with the concept of ‘OneNonHate.’
CL: and what is the concept, Cecil?
CB: Well, for people not to hate each other. Mailers and networks
are spreading the word at an alarmingly positive clip.
CL: right. And ‘OneLove’ was already taken, yes?
CB: yes. Plus, from my extensive travels, I have arrived at the
conclusion that universal love is impossible, but perhaps it is
possible simply ‘not to hate."
CL: hmmmmm. And mailers are sending your newsletter to their lists?
CB: yes
CL: and how are you monetizing your newsletter to pay mailers the CPMs
that I have heard you are paying?
CB: Easy. I sell ONENONHATE T-shirts on my site.
Waling Wilbert
Cauldron Larynx: OK, my interview today is with Wilbert Cunningham.
He isn’t here yet, but he will be in a minute. It is Wednesday,
January 16th and I’m in a foul mood. My next guest doesn’t know it
yet, but I’m going to get after him nasty. He stole my childhood idea
and claimed it for his own. He has distribution through three
networks and is making hundreds of thousands of dollars. After hiring
a couple scientists and researches, he took the idea I mentioned to
him and ran all the way home with it. Now he’s gonna pay. Publicly.
Cauldron Larynx: [loud] Heyyyyyy, Wilbert! Welcome to the studio.
So great to see you again after all these years.
Wilbert Cunningham: And great to see you again, young Cauldron.
CL: So, why don’t you tell us about your product.
WC: Well, my web site is www.MyMacrowave.com and what I do is build
and sell the exclusive MyMacrowave product.
CL: And what is MyMacrowave?
WC: Well, it is a device for your kitchen that insantly freezes food
to ensure their freshness.
CL: Brilliant idea!!
WC: Thank you
CL: and you came up with this idea all your own?
WC: Yes sir. That’s right.
CL: [fuming] Is that so?! I seem to recall TELLING YOU about my
idea for a "MACROWAVE" back in 1992!!
WC: Ummmm….. ummmm…. that just is not true.
CL: [yelling] IT JUST IS TRUE!! IT JUST IS TRUE!! Where are my
royalties?! Where is MY notoriety you swine! You thief! You
invalid!
[brawl ensues]
**INTERVIEW SUSPENDED**
