News, the Broken Variety: Danger Danger
Hydra to Hold Compliance Conference
Los Angeles-based Hydra Media will host the first annual Compliance Conference this coming November. Immediately following Ad:Tech,affiliates and advertising agencies are planning on staying in the Big Apple to take a crunchy bite out of SPAM. The principles at Hydra are thrilled for the expected turnout. "Publishers in this industry are truly becoming more compliant by the month, and here at Hydra we are pioneering the concept of a ‘clean network.’ There is nothing that pleases us more than the hundreds of eager participants for the industry’s first show all about compliance." Pending success of the inaugural Hydra Hoedown, expect much more news on this topic.
Digital Moses Apologizes to Azoogle
Last week’s editor ran an article concerning the termination of all of Azoogle’s pregnant women employees. This was an inaccurate assessment by our editor, and he/she had it all wrong. Azoogle actually fired all of their pregnant women, all sick men, everyone on bereavement, all managers over the age of 36, anyone with red hair, and all employees with speech impediments. Bad editor! Bad editor! He/she seemed to have seized my commentary and doctored it with lies. The above is untrue, Azoogle did not fire all of the above. And Digital Moses is in talks with the New York Yankees to take the entire Azoogle managerial team to a playoff game at Yankee Stadium for the emotional grief we have caused. Yes, Azoogle. Hot dogs and lemonade included.
Danger Danger
My, how jobs in the United States have changed over the past decade. Most distinctly, my has SAFETY changed. We were able to attain a report from the Surgeon General and the U.S. consensus of employment consent. The study is remarkable, and the findings bewildering. The earliest average age of death for any profession in the U.S. has remained the same over the last ten years, but things really go haywire from there. Policeman still takes the top spot, and previous second place finisher from ten years ago, anesthesiologist, is now a distant fourth. The top five from ten years ago was rounded out by taxi driver, coal miner and security guard, respectively. Now in 2007, the makeup of early deaths has shifted its way into our shifty industry. After Police Officer, Affiliate Manager is second, Affiliate Network CEO third, aforementioned anesthesiologist fourth, rounded out by ConnexusCorp accountant a rapidly-escalating fifth.
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