May’s Take – Metaphor For Four

What happened to all the fine waitresses? It is a standard tactic of eating establishments to hire all the vixens in the land for the grand opening, then as the weeks post-open start passing, the food may stay the same, but the visual quality diminishes. Customers become comfortable with the scene and the service and the servings, and they are supposed to conveniently forget that the ten supermodels that opened the joint have been replaced by less-than-bubbly, haggard old maids. Sorry, but if you haven’t exercised since Clinton was pres, I don’t want you serving me my strawberry lemonade wearing those shorts. “So how is this strawberry lemonade? Good?” “Oh yes, it is very good. Probably our most drank drink here.” “Most drank drink? You got me sold. Strawberry lem, please.” I took a sip and it was hot. Not, “not cold enough,” because like any spoiled American, I like my cold drinks cold. I nevercomplain, in a restaurant or at any place of service, but this was unacceptable. I let “not cold enough” slip all the time, including times when the majority of the populous would not. I’m talking, the liquid was making the ice hot. The mug must’ve been fresh out the washing machine, coupling that with lukewarm lemonade, and you have ice that is melting but not making anything colder. The girls got nasty andthe strawberry lemonade got hot? Where are we headed here, guys?

I’m back up to 100 ounces of water a day. That kind of consumption is relatively easy when I’m in the zone. In fact, I’d like to get up to 200 ounces a day, but we’ll see about that. When you’re awake 20 of the 24 hours, it’s a lot easier to reach daily quotas than if you’re a nice, well-rested lad or lass and are only awake in the 15-16 hour range. When we first met, it was so refreshing. She didn’t care if she slept. We could be up or out or in until 3am, but she’d still get up at six to go cycling. I love you for that, and for so many other reasons. You’ll be all right in this world. But you never would listen to me and drink more water!

Ah, magic birthdays. It’s my little brother’s magic birthday next year. That’s the time when he’ll be 25 on the 25^th of January, thus, the magic. Nothing too groundbreaking, special or overly significant, but it made you think, didn’t it? Made you think back to when you turned 14 on September 14^th, or what you may have been doing when you turned 23 on the 23^rd of April. Were you somewhere far away, celebrating with your significant other? At home with your family? At work, on a weekend excursion, at your favorite restaurant? Was it a time of tragedy or a time of joy? Which reminds me, it was hermagic birthday two Novembers ago. Interesting. I hope she looks upon that birthday fondly; I think a good time was had by all.

Ideally, next year for my bro’s magic bday, he’ll be back in Los Angeles proper. Last week he moved to San Diego, and when I called him to wish him the happiest, he was already a few deep at a bar with his lady and friends. Sounded like fun.  At some point in the next 300 or so days, I should start planning a magic birthday celebration for him. So we have magic birthdays, un-birthdays, and half-birthdays. I don’t know of any other monikers or derivations but those three. Let me know if you do, I’ll incorporate them at some point. In case clarification is needed, your un-birthday is basically every other day of the year that is not your birthday. That’s kind of the aim of the whole thing- institute the word “birthday” into every day, and thus, you’ll have a reason to celebrate. I think being awake and alive and with hope is reason enough to celebrate, but none of us really act that way. We get out of bed cranky and groggy, meander through our day citing the negativity, and go to sleep frustrated about the day’s shortcomings and grievances because there’s a good chance tomorrow will be filled with more of the same. The same shortcomings, and similar grievances. But the worst are the grievances that are not similar, the ones you could have never seen coming. We all know those are the worst and most damaging, so why can’t we stop sweating the little, insignificants? Just the way we’re built. And raised. And cultured. Anyway, half-birthday is pretty obvious. It’s the halfway point between your last and next birthday. Even if it doesn’t match up exactly, you can round up or down depending on your preference, so that it is “exactly” six months until your next special day. Which special day? All of them, friends. But first, we have to learn to let them be.