The holiday mailing season is here, and there’s an insidious three-word phrase repeatedly making its way into targets’ homes.
This phrase is not “No assembly required.” Consumers have learned to take this as a genial holiday lie. Many treat the Christmas Eve tradition of poorly translated instructions and missing Allen wrenches as a beloved annual occurrence, or at least an excuse to dip heavily into the rum punch.
The three little words are “Or current resident.” Perhaps mailers should put “You don’t matter” right on the address labels. The effect’s about the same.
The phrase “Or current resident” reminds me of George Carlin’s “Icebox Man” routine. Carlin muses about dispensing leftovers from the refrigerator, and the semi-palatable way these items are offered. In one instance, a family member is urged “Eat this quick, before I give it to an animal!”
When a catalog arrives with the notation “or current resident,” the recipient’s reaction is “Woof.” Which roughly translates to “If my dog had a credit card, would he be your valued prospect too?”
This message is barely acceptable when catalogs are sent to prospects: it’s a flat-out sin when included in mailings to customers. The only people who should receive catalogs with the notation “or current resident” are those a marketer is trying to dump, perhaps because said customers only purchase low-margin or loss-leader merchandise.
If nothing else, let’s substitute a gentler phrase. Even “The Smith Residence” or “The Smith Household” softens the blow by broadening the number of likely recipients. (Be sure to change the phrase if you are addressing the catalog to someone whose surname isn’t “Smith.”)
Maybe marketers could borrow a phrase I’ve seen in restaurants: “There are no strangers, there are only friends we haven’t met yet.” The notation “To Jim Smith, or friends unmet” at least acknowledges that mailers and customers have a special relationship. (We can discuss exclusivity after the holidays.)
Anyone who has a better phrase is encouraged to share it.
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