Loose Cannon: Strip Search at the U.S.P.S.
The U.S. Postal Service periodically sends around postcards touting various offerings such as Hold Mail, Premium Forwarding and Change of Address. The cards give rise to numerous questions, including: Why are they addressed to “Postal Customer”? Shouldn’t the Post Office, of all organizations, know who it is sending mailings to? Why do these mailings bear the notation “Permit No. G-10”? Shouldn’t the U.S.P.S have permit number A-1? Did whoever had to apply for the permit have to wait in a really, really long line like the rest of us?
But the biggest question these mailings engender is: Why did the Postal Service decide to use characters from the comic strip Cathy as part of the design? Cathy is a perfectly innocuous, but not especially postal-centric, strip.
As it turns out, Cathy was the last comic strip standing after a review of several possibilities. The following internal U.S.P.S. memo offers insight into the selection process.
To: Reuben Goldberg
Fr: Clifford Berryman
Re: Your list of possible comics to license for our outreach campaign.
Reuben:
Thanks for the suggestions. I’ve gone over your list of potential comics and added my notes, below.
Doonesbury Associating ourselves with a strip that frequently antagonizes both the President and Congress is not the smartest branding choice we could make. Or the second-smartest. Or the third-smartest.
Dick Tracy We’ve spent billions in modernization and automation. We are not going to embrace a strip whose characters still think chunky two-way wrist radios are nifty.
Tank McNamara Pluses: This sports-centered comic would dovetail nicely with our sponsorship of the Olympics, the Tour de France, and other major competitive events. Minuses: The strip also covers doping, juicing, cheating and quadrennial underperforming. It’s radioactive.
The Lockhorns Does anybody under 70 read this strip? Sure, we talk a good game about keeping the price of a first class stamp down so people can write to Aunt Millie, but do we really have to pander to her?
Blondie How many strips have featured Dagwood Bumstead, late for work, running full tilt into his mail carrier? Ha ha ha ha ha. No.
Mark Trail First, rural communities, such as those featured in this nature-focused strip, are money losers for us thanks to the stupid universal coverage laws. Second, there’s no benefit in reminding mail carriers assigned to these routes that there is a possibility they will eaten by bears.
Peanuts, Marmaduke or Mutts No canine-focused strips. The “dog bites mailman” jokes are too easy. Under the same principle, I’ve rejected “Garfield,” too. No, he’s not a dog, but he’s one uncivil feline.
Beetle Bailey Never forget that soldiers are government employees. A strip that hinges on rank-and-file employees being goof-offs isn’t for us. Also, ever since that blowout over which organization was going to pay retirement benefits for postal workers who served in the military, the armed forces have been a sore spot with us.
Dilbert Certainly, obviously, irrefutably not. No explanation necessary.
Zippy the Pinhead Cute idea, playing off the main character’s name and ZIP codes. But a mutant in a polka-dot muumuu who stands around chanting “Sectional center facility entry point discounts! Sectional center facility entry point discounts!” for four panels isn’t going to resonate with the market.
Little Annie Fanny We’ve come a long way since Anthony Comstock was busting reprobates who used the post to send naughty items. But we haven’t come that far. Try not to suggest anything racier than “Hi and Lois.”
Mallard Fillmore You weren
