Have I Got a Candidate for You!

In the best of all possible worlds, judges rule with gravitas from their benches. And in the best of all possible direct marketing worlds, their election campaigns (in New York City, certain judgeships are elected positions) reflect each judge’s wisdom and sophistication.

This should have been the case for Michael Katz, who in September ran for the Democratic nomination for civil court judge in Manhattan. Katz had reasonably solid credentials, but they were obscured in a four-page piece he sent out shortly before primary day.

In place of the usual candidate’s accomplishments, endorsements from respected political figures, and promises that usually constitute campaign literature, the bulk of this piece was taken up by a letter from Edythe Katz, the candidate’s mother, who “wanted to introduce him myself in a way he couldn’t — because a mother can brag.”

A letter from his mother? Was he running for office or explaining why he didn’t finish his geometry assignment? Was this really the best way to sway voters?

Edythe thought so. “He’s perfect for the job of Manhattan civil court judge, even if I do say so myself!” she gushed. “Working hard, managing a courtroom as court attorney, giving back to the community, putting the “service” back into public service — that’s my Michael.”

Uh, no, Edythe. Once he’s elected he’d be our Michael, except we wouldn’t be pulling him onto our laps, hiking up his judges’ robes and blowing raspberries on his tummy. That privilege is yours alone as a parent.

Edythe continued: “In case you don’t know, civil court is the city’s most accessible court — you don’t see civil court cases on ‘Law & Order.’” OK, but I still don’t know why this qualified Katz for the judgeship. In fact, I still don’t know much about Katz, other than that his mother is, apparently, a Sam Waterston fan.

There was more to this four-page mailer than just text: Edythe emptied the family photo albums. Nestled among the pictures of Michael across the years is a portrait labeled “My son the candidate!” That’s a phrase I would’ve used if I was writing a parody of a political mailing piece. Edythe beat me to it.

I’m not sure why whoever worked on this effort for Michael made Edythe sound like a Borscht Belt caricature, but apparently it was a wrong note: On Sept. 9, Michael Katz lost his campaign by a 55%/45% split — nearly 5,000 votes.

Oh, well. At least his mother still loves him.

For more of Richard H. Levey’s Loose Cannon columns, visit http://directmag.com/opinions-columnists/loosecannon/index.html.