At Last, The Magilla Marketing List of Top Companies … Sort Of

Am I the only one who’s tired of publications creating lists of “top” or “fastest-growing” companies, which are then followed by the inevitable round of press releases from the companies on the lists?

The releases always go something like this: “For Immediate Release: Crappiest Company to Work for in the World Makes Bankruptcy Week’s Top 100 list of Fastest Growing Companies in the Small Buffalo, NY Suburb of North Tonawanda.”

The lists and the releases are all nothing more than cheap attempts to get publicity.

Hmmm. Come to think of it, rather than criticize, maybe it’s time for this newsletter to create a list of its own.

Then maybe Magilla Marketing can get some of that cheap publicity.

Let’s call the list: The Magilla Marketing List of Top 40 Fastest-Growing (and some not-so-fast-growing) E-mail Marketing Related Companies that Came to Mind Randomly while Swilling Vodka Martinis.

And without further ado, here it is:

1. Goodmail: This firm has been under fire and in the news so often that it has helped me make more deadlines than any other company on this list.

2. Epsilon: Database-, loyalty- and e-mail-marketing services all from one company. Or is it three? Heck, I don’t know. It’s all Greek to me.

3. Yesmail: Hey, they deliver this newsletter.

4. Zustek: Al DiGuido’s back! You know there’s gonna be news coming out of that joint sooner or later.

5. Pivotal Veracity: Boy, one central truth would sure make things easier, wouldn’t it? Oh, wait a minute, we fight wars over that $%#@, don’t we? Never mind.

6. Innovyx: Any company that deals with ad agencies for a living deserves an award just for the sheer ability to avoid political landmines.

7. Silverpop: Why just silver? Why not Goldpop? Or Platinumpop? Ooh. Wait a minute. I’ve got it. Titaniumpop. Yeah? Yeah?

8. StreamSend: Gurgle, gurgle. Very peaceful.

9. Lyris: Makes you want to break out in song, no?

10. Constant Contact: This company recently had a killer initial public offering, and hasn’t made any money yet. What the heck are the rest of us doing wrong?

11. SubscriberMail: They’re in Chicago.

12. ExactTarget: They’re in Indianapolis.

13. Responsys: A name that should never be attempted by anyone with a lisp.

14. CheetahMail: My son has two of their stuffed cheetahs. Yeah, yeah. I know. Conflict of interest. From now on, anytime anyone sees a positive reference to CheetahMail in this newsletter, they’ll ask: “Is he doing this because they gave him stuffies?”

15. Datran Media: They’re not as much fun ever since they stopped getting in trouble with former New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer.

16. Acxiom Digital: Mmmm… Databases.

17. e-Dialog: The lower-case first letter’s kind of dot-commie, and I mean that in the nicest of ways.

18: Habeas: I miss the haiku business model it launched with.

19. Strongmail: Heyyy. Have you been working out?

20: iPost: Like eDialog, this is also reminiscent of dot-com names, but only in the most positive ways, of course.

21: Vertical Response: Mmmm… San Francisco.

22. Emma Email Marketing: What’s not to like about the name “Emma?” Sounds like a firm that will send your e-mail, and bake you a pie.

23. eWay Direct: Also dot-commie sounding, but again … well, you know.

24. GOT Corporation: Does this firm’s name make anyone else think of milk?

25. Harte-Hanks Postfuture: Whoa. Beyond the future. Now my head hurts.

26. Premiere Global Services: Yay, Atlanta.

27. Puresend: A little sanctimonious, don’t ya think?

28. BlueHornet: Ouch. It stings.

29. Email Data Source: He sees you when you’re mailing.

30. Lashback: He knows when people opt out.

31: Return Path: They know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes. Ohhhhhh, you better not … yeah, yeah. I know. Lame.

32. Ironport: Iron? Port? Would you really want a port made of iron? Oh, I get it now.

33: JangoMail: Someone likes fantasy books, Star Wars characters, or a village in Pakistan.

34. MailerMailer: Is there an echo in here?

35. Bluerockdove.com: I don’t quite understand this company’s name. But anyone who reads this newsletter with any regularity knows there’s a lot I don’t understand. They’re in Canada. Brrrr.

36. Alterian: Sounds like a planet one of my son’s superheroes could be from … or a tobacco company.

37. FreshAddress: How do you tell if it’s fresh? Do you squeeze it?

38. MailChimp: Oh, I get it. So easy a monkey can do it.

39. Exmplar: I’d like to buy a vowel, please.

40. eROI: Is it a positive ROI or a negative ROI? They never say.

And there you have it: The Magilla Marketing List of Top 40 Fastest-Growing (and some not-so-fast-growing) E-mail Marketing Related Companies that Came to Mind Randomly while Swilling Vodka Martinis.

OK folks: Let’s get those “We-Made-the-Magilla-List” press releases cooking! They should be appearing on PR Newswire any moment. Right? Right?

Editor’s note: If your company did not appear on The Magilla Marketing List of Top 40 Fastest-Growing (and some not-so-fast-growing) E-mail Marketing Related Companies that Came to Mind Randomly while Swilling Vodka Martinis list and you think it should have, e-mail us. We’ll do another list. Heck, we’ll do ‘em all year! But you have to put out a release. Hmmm … I smell a business model.