Apologies in advance to all fans of singer Meat Loaf: Sometimes two out of three doesn’t cut it.
I’d been looking to replace my money market account, which wasn’t allowing me to meet my check-writing obligations. Two weeks ago my bank, HSBC, offered me a fee-free checking account.
This seemed like direct marketing at its best – the right price at the right time. Maybe HSBC realized that its fees were eating up my account's interest. Maybe it wanted me to feel a little more warm and fuzzy so it could hit me up for a credit card, or a home loan, or any of a number of financial products.
Or maybe HSBC realized that I’m a low-yield customer and wanted to alienate me. Because when I got a little deeper into the offer, that was the net result.
The minimum balance on the checking account they were offering was four times the highest balance I’d ever had, and roughly six times the level it's been languishing at for the past year. It’s not like HSBC didn’t have historical data – I’ve been with it for 15 years, including the time I spent with the institution HSBC swallowed.
If this is the result of the Financial Services Modernization Act, and bank marketing departments are making guesses about the financial products existing customers might need because they can’t get relevant information from operations, the industry’s in a lot of trouble.
The only way I’m going to hit the bank’s minimum balance is if, like marquee Arizona Diamondback outfielder Luis Gonzales, I can sell a wad of my chewed gum on eBay for a five-figure sum. But unlike saints and baseball players, relics of reporters apparently aren’t at a premium.
The upshot of HSBC’s solicitation was indeed to generate a need I didn’t realize I had. It’s for a new bank.
To respond to the opinions in this column, please contact rlevey@primediabusiness.com.
