What’s the most rewarding part of my job, you ask? OK, so you didn’t ask, but let’s pretend you did.
The most rewarding part of my job is the intellectual give and take I have with readers.
Take the following letter from SpamZa Boy, so-named here because of a stupid business model he attempted over the summer. SpamZa.com was a short-lived site where people could sign up other people’s e-mail addresses to be spammed by newsletters that failed to use confirmed opt in. SpamZa.com was quickly shut down by its service provider.
I named the anonymous founder of the site SpamZa Boy in a recent article in this newsletter because I figured he had to be between 12 and 17 years old and probably a stock boy somewhere.
He claims he’s a 25-year-old stock analyst. And, heck, who am I to question that claim? Just check out the highly intelligent, nuanced use of language in his letter to Magilla below.
Warning: Profanity and a term extremely insulting to gay men ahead. I considered cleaning it up, but decided SpamZa Boy’s literary talent should be savored unadulterated.
“First, thanks for the article -- you may call me SpamZaBoy, people called me MUCH MUCH worse recently. It touches me that a shitty blog -- only rated 412,079 on Alexa -- getting in a month what spamza got in an hour but it's fine, at least you're trying.
“SpamZa was a genious idea, anyone can agree except stupid old fags born in 60's who can't take a stupid joke. OH NOES MY EMAIL IS GETTING SPAMMED! NOOOOOOO. Seriously, it took 15 mins to set up filters and then it was gone but no, you crybabies keep pushing OMG OMG OMG spam. Anyway
“Speaking of which, nice hairline ‘Ken Magill.’ What kind of name is that anyway? You really look like a big fag. Anyway.
“Shut down because it was nuisible? Wow, how smart, I guess no host wanted the negative publicity of SpamZa. Did you find this alone? Did you lose some hair over that reflexion? Your picture will haunt me for long. Seriously, I never saw such a large forehead.
“Anyway. I actually got a pretty good job as a stock analyst and I'm barely 25. I'm sure this is more contributive than creating a shitty blog ‘atkins’ no one gives a shit about. I successfully bought C at 3.80, F at 1.50, Berkshire at 2,9000 and many, many more. See, I create value in US economy. You should be thanking me usatunnel.
“Aside from that, not much to say except that I of course have a new version of spamza up, private this time. It's always fun to sign people on spam_______ where _______ is a word I won't tell because fags like you will try (and suceed because OH NOES SPAM!!!!). By the way, I received a lot of thanking e-mails from people getting revenge on companies that cheated them, scammers, exs, and more. This doesn't count, huh?
“keep up the good work, dumbass. One last thing: if people kept sign-ins confirmed lists, spamza and spam_____ would never exist. Humans are cocky, egoists and stupid and SpamZa made them pay the price. Overall, it seems, the best scammers and cheaters won -- I am speaking of lists that are resold so many times it's just ridiculous, all the infamous spams and scams promoted on LEGIT newsletters and more. As we can say, I took on too big this time. I have learnt my lesson on that one.”
Owee. The old big-forehead insult. That one hurts.
And the middle-school gay slur. Yikers. That one really stung.
So you see, folks? Don’t you wish you could get correspondence from the likes of SpamZa Boy? After he explains to me what nuisible and usatunnel mean, we’ll be discussing whether or not Soren Kierkegaard deserves to be called the father of existentialism.
