The great national fret over America’s overweight children has spawned a “Healthy Kids’ Catalog.”
Touted as a book offering “Solutions That Foster Healthy Children,” the catalog features, among other things, 4-oz. “Yum-Yum Dishes” that promote portion control by, well, being just 4 ounces large. The dishes—they’re little bowls, actually—also have the word “over” painted on their inside bottoms.
“My children get to the bottom of the bowl and it’s the dish that tells them snack time is over, not me. I’m no longer the bad guy,” says testimonial copy on the site.
Great. Now we have dishware that nags kids so parents don’t have to.
The most ridiculous product on offer in the Healthy Kids’ Catalog has to be “The Entertrainer,” a device that adjusts a television’s volume according to the viewer’s heart rate. “If the viewer is sedentary, the volume goes down until the viewer gets his or heart rate back on target,” said a press release announcing the catalog.
The Entertrainer’s inventor cannot have had siblings, because anyone who has had a brother or sister can immediately see the folly in this product’s design: In order to watch his favorite TV show at the desired volume, the overweight older brother simply forces his thin-and-fit, younger brother to power the Entertrainer under threat of having the crap kicked out of him.
Oops, did we say the Entertrainer is the most ridiculous product Healthy Kids offers? Scratch that. Just as ridiculous is the EZ-Rope, “the rope without the middle.” According to Healthy Kids’ Catalog, the product makes jumping rope “safe and fun because now everyone can do it!”
Well, not quite. The EZ-Rope consists of two handles attached to lengths of rope with hunks of foam on their ends—the idea being that people who can’t jump rope swing these things in circles while pretending to do so. Message to EZ-Rope inventors: People who use your product aren’t really jumping rope. They’re pretending.
Do these people have any idea how humiliating it would be to be seen in public flailing away with the EZ-Rope? How about EZ-Barbells for kids who can’t lift weights? Imagine the sales copy: “Paper towel tubes with Styrofoam weights makes pumping iron safe and fun because now everyone can do it!” Sigh.
The great national fret over America’s overweight children has spawned a “Healthy Kids’ Catalog.”
Touted as a book offering “Solutions That Foster Healthy Children,” the catalog features, among other things, 4-oz. “Yum-Yum Dishes” that promote portion control by, well, being just 4 ounces large. The dishes—they’re little bowls, actually—also have the word “over” painted on their inside bottoms.
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