In our April issue, I took readers on a weeklong trip through my mailbox. Now, I know what you’re thinking: How could we ever top that heart-stopping level of excitement?
You guessed it! This issue, we’re spending a week in my personal e-mail box, to get a glimpse of what a typical consumer receives online. For purposes of this exercise, we’ll look at a five-day business week, as that’s when I’m normally logged on and checking messages.
I should note that I’m sharing only the highlights and lowlights here: If I went through every piece of mail received, we’d need a few more pages.
Monday, April 12
The first things I see are two e-mails with identical subject headings, from an online bookstore I purchased from once three years ago. I delete both without reading: The subject heading is the same each week (“New This Week!”) and doesn’t pique my interest in the least.
Next up are two legal alerts from the ASPCA on animal rights issues, with direct links to a Web site where I can send a letter to my congressperson to express my views on the topic. The e-mails themselves are short and to the point, and the letter forms couldn’t be easier to use. Minutes later, a copy of the letter I sent shows up in my e-mail box. This is a great way to keep members informed and show them how their donations are being used.
Early bird Mother’s Day offers abound this week. Godiva offers a free tea-light set with a $39 purchase, while 1-800 Flowers sends an offer for 15% off all early Mom’s Day buys. I click through to a link for a gorgeous pink-and-peach multicolor bouquet that comes with a book for grandmothers, and consider ordering it for my son to give to my mom and mother-in-law. But then I notice the fine print: To ensure that the flowers are the freshest, a single-color bouquet may be substituted for the multicolor version. But then it’s no longer multi, is it? I move on.
And what day would be complete without a little spam? I open a message titled “Ha. Ha. Ha. Monique Got Caught!” and am told “Andrew’s wife” was found on the Web site linked below. Further down with another link is the cryptic “Desperate diseases must have desperate remedies‥Divide and conquer‥Don’t rely on the label on the bag‥ Don’t throw the baby out with the bath-water‥” Where do I get a job writing this stuff?
Tuesday, April 13
The most interesting e-mail of the day is an invitation to a tasting at wine purveyors Best Cellars. Oh, if I only had time to drink more.
But today is really the day of free shipping and bonus offers. J. Jill, Gap, Old Navy, e-Hobbies and CCB-Paris all chime in with variations. Petsmart sends an e-mail about collars and leads, useless in our indoor cat household. Although maybe one would be useful for my overactive 15-month-old…
Reunion.com sends its weekly e-mail telling me that “Two New Students” are listed from my high school and “0 People” are looking for me. Gee, not that I really want to be tracked down, but a subject heading like that makes a gal feel kinda unloved.
Wednesday, April 14
A slow day today. CafePress.com sends an e-mail about a Mother’s Day sale. I’m tempted, but I don’t think mom really wants a Buffy “Bored Now” T-shirt or a “Geek Mom” coffee mug.
A local bookstore informs me of an upcoming sale, while American Airlines offers me bonus miles if I’ll switch my long-distance plan to AT&T. A missive with the subject heading “do you get nauseous and dehydrated” catches my attention, and I wonder how they know what happens to Direct staffers on press nights. Upon reading, I see it’s for a hangover-cure pill. Again, if I only had time to drink more…
Thursday, April 15
And a happy Tax Day to all! None of my e-mails acknowledge the holiday. Harry and David gets its 2 cents — or rather “25 new gifts” — in on the Mother’s Day issue, while Cat Claws sends a newsletter, AAdvantage Dining tells me of offers at local eateries and Genealogy.com offers me a set of Civil War CDs. Sorry, I don’t think my family was even in this country yet during the Civil War.
Friday, April 16
The end of the e-week and this column — it’s exhausting actually reading all one’s mail instead of hitting the delete key, isn’t it?
Colorful Images alerts me to an upcoming catalog that will mail next week, and offers a preview of the products online, always a nice touch. Urban Baby, meanwhile, updates me on its “Reel Moms” movie program, which I never have time for but like knowing it exists.
So what did we learn? (1) At least this week, unwanted spam was definitely in the minority. And (2), if I didn’t have to read all this darn e-mail, maybe I’d have time to drink more.
BETH NEGUS VIVEIROS (bethdirect@aol.com) is executive editor of Direct.
