At first I wasn't sure if this York air conditioner ad was weak enough to cry out for a makeover. After all, it does identify the product and mention a couple of sales points in the headline. It has nice pictures of the product, of happy people, and swatches showing the choice of colors.
But the more I studied and worked with it, the more I found lacking.
The claims made in the headline? “Quiet” and “efficient” could be claimed by any air conditioner maker, and probably are. So why should I favor York except for the color selections?
Half the headline and half the copy is devoted to the fact that this new line of air conditioners is available in seven “designer colors.”
Now I'm sure that in all the focus research that went into this product's development, consumer panels told York and its consulting firm that yes, other things being equal, it would be nice to be able to pick an air conditioner color that would harmonize with the exterior of the house.
But how important is this in the total mix? You don't usually install a freestanding unit in your front yard for all your neighbors to see. It probably will be on the side of the house hidden by shrubbery, or in back where the only people who'll know it's there are your backyard barbecue guests. And they aren't likely to notice or care.
Meanwhile, the ad does little to convince readers that York air conditioners are otherwise any better than those of half a dozen competitors.
The people photos look like ho-hum shots from a stock photo catalog and don't seem to have any connection with the product or the story. Yet they use up valuable space which could be better employed to verbally or visually advance the sale. (I'm not against including a human element in ads when it's functional and appropriate, and often do it in my makeovers. But not just as decoration.)
There's a dinky little panel saying “Over 130 years of design innovation and comfort,” but it's too small to read completely and do any good.
And if you have very keen eyesight and study the ad carefully enough, you will finally detect a small Good Housekeeping seal of approval stamped in white in the corner of the product photo.
The body copy is OK as far as it goes. But it doesn't go very far.
York's Web site (promoted in tiny white lettering at the end of the copy) is, by contrast, very involving, informative, interactive and persuasive. It included a nifty feature with almost a video-game appeal: Click on a York unit color you like, then click on house siding similar to yours, and see a picture of how well they go together.
In my makeover, I first looked for a way to set York apart from and above its competitors. I found the answer in that tiny panel I mentioned which calls attention to the company's 130-year history. I decided that if York has been making (and surely continuing to improve) its air conditioners for 130 years, the latest must surely be the peak of perfection. That's what I tried to convey in my headline.
Then I note sales points one by one with boldface lead-offs in the copy, so they can be grasped quickly by the reader.
And mindful of today's need for print ads that sell the advertiser's Web site while they sell the product, my ad refers to three attractive online features: (1) an interactive savings calculator; (2) an interactive dealer locator; and (3) the interactive matching of unit color and house siding mentioned above. To the last of these I devoted a graphic display across the bottom of the ad, tempting readers to log on and try it just for the fun of it, as well as for other reasons.
I would've liked to include the Good Housekeeping seal. But almost every print ad is a compromise between what you want to communicate and what you comfortably can communicate in the space available. So to avoid clutter and crowding I decided to leave it out, although I'm sure I could've found room for it by making the typeface in the body copy a size or two smaller.
I believe my makeover would sell more air conditioners, both to homeowners who care about the color of their unit and to those who care even more about how good it is.
What do you think?
THOMAS L. COLLINS (thomas.l.collins@verizon.net) has been a direct marketing copywriter, admaker, agency creative director and co-author of four books on marketing. He is currently an independent creative and marketing consultant based in Portland, OR.
