We're supposed to be marketing's leaders. In fact, “marketing” is our surname, with “response” a sometime and worthy surrogate. Much as we creatives want to be considered in poetic terms, success stems from our being regarded as flourishing salespeople. That's what we do. We sell. We sell or we deservedly perish.
Legally, ownership is the result of a successful sales transaction. For us, wordsmiths who practice the holy art of information optimizing, dynamic word use can be the catalyst that leads to the transaction. That means somebody has bought, and now, because of what we wrote, has ownership.
So a piece of “selling” copy that includes the words “When you buy this” isn't firing on all 12 cylinders. Emphasis is on payment of money, and substituting “acquire” for “buy” stresses ownership instead of expense. “When you own this” has even more octane, because assumptive rhetoric is generic to effective salesmanship. Every car salesman knows this.
Of course, you'd never use the unprofessional “If you…” approach, would you? That's reason enough to be drummed out of the corps. Save “If” for explanations of what your target/prospect shouldn't do.
While we're dissecting the “acquire” offer, let's attack the online marketer that scored a near-miss with “You can use your bonus points to acquire…” Why add any condition?
More significantly, why use declarative when imperative is there for you to grab, aim and fire? A classic maxim of salesmanship, whether in print, video, mail or online: Tell your target what to do. Drop “You can” and swing at the first pitch with “Use your bonus points to acquire….” And here's an ideal place to replace “acquire” with a more undressed appeal: “Use your bonus points to get.” A couple of exceptions exist, but I have only this page.
Will any of these mini-changes make a one-tenth of one-percent difference in response? If — no, when — the possibility exists, don't hesitate. Optimize the message.
LITTLE WORDS MEAN A LOT
We sit poised at the keyboard, ammunition in our fingertips waiting to be fired. Then, inadvertently, instead of full metal jackets, we shoot rubber bullets by ignoring the difference between those little words we use interchangeably just because…well, because we use them interchangeably.
Are these parallel? “Charge your membership to a major credit card and you'll get…” and “Charge your membership to any major credit card and you'll get….”
The informational core is parallel. The salesmanship isn't. “Any” forms an absolute, where “a” is neutral. If you don't see the difference there, try this one:
You don't need an appointment.
You don't need any appointment.
Can you see how “any,” considerably more than “a,” deliberately plays down the need for an appointment?
(If this column were more authoritative rather than instructional, I'd have worded that last question “Can't you see…” rather than the middle-of-the-road “Can you see….”)
Dropping an article altogether can (note “can” instead of the more definitive “will,” because impact depends on specific usage) add power:
The competition for attention is brutal.
Competition for attention is brutal.
Parenthetically, this illustration exemplifies a truism — competition for attention truly is brutal! In a competition, only one contestant wins.
A QUIET SLAM AT THE COMPETITION
Because ours is the most civilized of all professions — excluding those excreters of e-mail scams — we tend to be more careful than panicky retailers when claiming superiority over competitors.
And it's easy, because that ammunition is there in our fingertips. A stockbroker, pitching for business, used words intended to bolster her position. In my opinion, the wording damaged her position:
We aren't a discount broker.
Nah… But “one of those” adds a pejorative note:
We aren't one of those discount brokers. The informational core is intact, and the salesmanship has taken a quantum leap.
Punctuation can fire those full metal jackets or reduce them to BB pellets. Quotation marks add not just armor-piercing but nuclear capability to the words. Power surges from a simple addition:
We aren't one of those “discount” brokers.
Can you see where placement of the quotation marks is itself a crucial matter? “Discount” brokers emphasizes the difference; putting both words, “discount brokers,” inside the quotation marks gives the opposition unnecessary cachet.
Final thought: If you regard all these dinky pickings as trivial, I hope you're my competitor.
HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS (www.herschellgordonlewis.com) is the principal of Lewis Enterprises in Fort Lauderdale, FL. He consults with and writes direct response copy for clients worldwide.
THE WORD STORE
Herschell Gordon Lewis, Direct's Curmudgeon-at-Large, is a copywriter renowned as an authority on the use of words. This is one of an occasional group of articles on word use.
