If it surprises readers that privacy concerns are as much an issue for business to business marketers as they are for consumer firms, it will astound them to discover that identity theft is an even greater peril. To illustrate this, I recently spent a week carousing around the country under the name Microsoft Corp.
Gaining the initial information necessary to assume the software giant’s identity wasn’t difficult: Its name, address and telephone number are matters of public record. With minimal digging I was able to secure the firm’s corporate tax ID number, and I was on my way.
I started small, by securing a library card from the Seattle public library system. The librarian who issued me the card didn’t press me too hard for identification: I was able to show her a letter I had written and sent to “Microsoft” – in care of my home address -- complaining about the wait time on its customer service line, and she gave me the card without any hesitation.
To cement my identity as Microsoft, I checked out six books on compromising the Linux operating system. I also grabbed a Dominick Dunne novel to read on the plane ride back east.
Fooling the Washington State Department of Motor Vehicles was a little trickier. I passed both the written and driving test, but there was a tense moment as I went to have my picture taken. The woman operating the photo machine stopped suddenly in the middle of focusing.
“I’d always assumed Microsoft would have blue eyes,” she said. I mumbled something about having corporate ancestry in the Baltic States, and beat as fast a retreat as I could.
But once I had the license, I was more confident. And I felt downright cocky when shortly thereafter I received a pre-approved credit card offer from Capital One. The company also said I could upgrade from a standard card to platinum if I acquired at least three companies by the end of the calendar year.
Bearing both a drivers’ license and a credit card, I was set. As Microsoft, I reserved the mall in Washington, D.C. I told the booking agents it was for a launch of the latest version of Windows, but I really was just looking to have a private picnic away from the usual cherry blossom gawkers.
Corporate identity theft isn’t without its hazards. I had lingered too long at the airport candy counter, and didn’t realize that when the public address system requested “Passenger Microsoft, please report to gate G8 for flight 485,” it meant me, and I nearly missed my flight.
On the plane ride back – first coach, natch, nothing but the best for Microsoft – I rode next to a pudgy, balding, bespectacled gent. Perceiving him to be in the same “captain of industry” class I was aspiring to, I couldn’t resist drawing him into my confidence.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I asked him after our fourth complimentary glasses of wine were served. “My name is Richard, but I’m traveling under the name Microsoft Corp.”
”Really,” he said. “Well, my name is Richard too, but I’m traveling under the name Halliburton Inc.”
To respond to the opinions in this column, please contact rlevey@primediabusiness.com
