From the “I-refuse-to-join-any-club-that-would-have-me-as-a-member” file comes a recent spam-delivered pitch inviting me to have my name published in a who’s who directory.
The pitch began with an illiterate, run-on sentence:
“The Premiere Registry of Who’s Who is recognizing you for possible inclusion in the upcoming 2007-2008 edition your invitation is a result of the success your business has attained recognition of this kind is shared by thousands of Executive men and women throughout the United States and Canada,” it said. “The Premiere Registry of Who’s Who acknowledges people for their individual achievements in their specific profession.”
Individual achievements? OK, let’s talk about achievements. This newsletter has managed to alienate some individual or group with just about every mailing while delivering little if anything of career-advancing value for two years.
I’m a trade reporter, for %$#@%$’s sakes—a bottom feeder in a profession only slightly less despised than lawyers.
My question is: Who else got this pitch? I have visions of walking the streets of New York to work one morning and spotting a filthy, scraggly, incoherently mumbling homeless guy with a handwritten sign saying: “Can you spare some change to help a guy down on his luck?” and “Did you see me in the latest Who’s Who?”
Folks, if you get this pitch, just remember I got it, too.
Now, if the pitch would have said: “The Premiere Registry of Fat, Cigar-Smoking, Martini-Swilling Trade Hacks Who Offer Little or Nothing of Value to Society Other than the Gratifying Opportunity to Watch them Get Consumed by their Own Bitterness is recognizing you for possible inclusion in the upcoming 2007-2008 edition, and possible induction into its Obnoxious Lard-Ass Hall of Fame,” I might have responded.
