Editor's note: Herschell Gordon Lewis, Direct's Curmudgeon-at-Large, is a copywriter renowned as an authority on the use of words. This is one of an occasional group of articles on word use.
HOW BIG A DIFFERENCE can that make?”
Depending on what “that” is, the difference can be multiple percentage points. And we, who keep score by the number of times the phone or cash register rings, should be scrabbling through our copy, looking for mini-possibilities to increase response.
Want a fast, easy example? The same person can be an “undocumented immigrant” or “illegal alien.” Within your fingertips lies the power to direct the reader's or listener's interpretation. You are the interpretational surrogate, cooking the ingredients into a rhetorical dinner.
That talent is information optimizing, and a talent it is. Like most talents, it isn't natural. It has to be uncovered, coddled and developed. That's what we, as professional force-communicators, do for a living.
So do we write “Thank you” or “Our thanks” or “Thanks”? Each of these generates a mildly different combination of receptivity and rapport. We're professional communicators, and even though we know we're riding the crest of a period of informal communication, some messages need the additional cachet of “Thank you” while others who abandon the more convivial “Thanks” are apparent pomposities. That's what we do. We decide, based on our automatic ability to move inside the experiential backgrounds of our typical targets.
(The difference between “Our thanks” and “My thanks” resides in a different arena, glued to the relationship the writer wants to imply.)
GETTING ‘EVEN’
What's the difference between these two sales-intended statements?
You don't have to wait one more day.
or…
You don't have to wait even one more day.
Does the word “even” add or subtract power? Careful, now. The automatic thought is to go with “even,” because…because what? Ah! Because it adds salesmanship? Exactly. That's exactly why auto-writing may not be the best course. We don't want to create a subliminal “They're trying to sell me” reaction.
We can play with it as we carry impact further:
You don't have to wait one more day. You don't have to go to meetings, study for hours, or travel.
or…
You don't have to wait one more day. You don't have to go to meetings. You don't have to study for hours. You don't have to travel.
Separating the elements into individual statements adds considerable power without demanding additional creative thinking. One easy litmus test is to ask yourself as you write, “Suppose I'm lecturing. Which wording would give me the greater impact?”
THE ‘IF’ DILEMMA
I have a mailing from a software company, and I'm wondering not only why the copywriter wrote “If you like perfect results…” but also why whoever supervises the creative group let that unnecessary “If” weakener squeak through. “Don't you want perfect results?” or “Are you ready for perfect results?” adds the dimension of challenge. Adapting “Are” to “Aren't” — “Aren't you ready for perfect results?” — improves the assumptive tone. All these have another edge: They're questions, and questions are cheap and easy reader-involvement devices.
Or how about “Unless you're willing to settle for less than perfect results…”? That's a reverse insult, not as cheap and easy but part of our professional patina.
“If” can be our savior or our enemy, because it's totally conditional. Yes, we might want that effect when we want to suggest something won't exist or happen. That, as we long have known but maybe haven't practiced enough, is the core difference between “if” and “when.”
CANNING THE WORD ‘CAN’
Which would you write?
Waiting can mean you'll miss out.”
or…
Waiting means you can miss out.”
or…
Waiting means you'll miss out.
Here we have a double decision: First, which use of “can” will result in the greater response? Do you vote for the second use, which more closely identifies “can” to “miss” rather than to “mean”? (More significantly, do you regard the analysis itself as a waste of time…an indication that you can see no difference in a word shift?)
Second, do we or don't we use “can,” which makes the result conditional? If you've written copy for any product or service related to health, you know the danger implicit in an unconditional statement. So “can” and its self-castrating cousin “may” blocks the accusation that we're making an absolute claim. But if we're trying to provoke an instantaneous emotional response, we dump “can” into the trash can.
Another delicacy involving that delicate word: What is the difference between “You can use your bonus points to acquire…” and “Use your bonus points to acquire”?
That one is considerably easier to penetrate. We've turned a nondescript statement into a potent imperative. That's part of what force-communicators do.
Now let's expand a bit. We want to add implied importance to those bonus points. Easy! All we have to do is capitalize them, upgrading “Use your bonus points to acquire” to “Use your Bonus Points to acquire.” Now, stop: Do you still see a hole in the fabric? Right! It's the intellectualized word “acquire,” which we use for collectibles but not for dynamics. So we add more octane by altering “Use your Bonus Points to acquire” to “Use your Bonus Points to get.”
One caveat we have to (not “must”) observe is that capitalizing Bonus Points doesn't mean using initial caps throughout. Initial caps are a roadblock, separating seller from sellee. Save your caps to add cachet to specific words.
NOT ONLY SHOULD YOU NOT DELAY. DON'T WAIT.
In that last subhead we have the smorgasbord of elements covered in this article. First, obviously, is the difference between “delay” and “wait.” That exemplifies word choices available to us as force-communicators with every message we excrete.
Why not, right now, attack a piece of copy on your desk, making a single word substitution to either add power or soften it? That bit of practice is a reminder that you're in charge. You have the power to turn up the heat or turn it down.
The other element is replacing the conditional with the unconditional. “Should” is useful when you specifically want the reader or listener to have the comfort of uncertainty. “Don't wait” is a naked absolute, stripped of conditions.
Just one favor, please? Forget forever “Act now.” Yes, it's an unconditional command; but no, it's an obsolete cliché. Rip Van Winkle still may be using anachronisms, but your alert competitors aren't. Anyway, if you'd been snoozing for the last 20 years you wouldn't be reading this.
HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS (www.herschellgordonlewis.com) is the principal of Lewis Enterprises in Fort Lauderdale, FL. He consults with and writes direct response copy for clients worldwide. His most recently published 28th book is the curmudgeonly titled “Asinine Advertising.” Among his other books are “On the Art of Writing Copy” (third edition), “Marketing Mayhem” and “Effective E-mail Marketing.”
