FOR THIS ISSUE'S MAKEOVER WE ONCE AGAIN HAVE AN AD WITH a fairly decent message obscured by art direction that goes too far and copy that doesn't go quite far enough.
I went about assessing its effectiveness in two ways:
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By paraphrasing what I take in at a glance in order to determine if it conveys a strong, clear promise.
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By hauling out and applying my trusty Makeover Maven Measuring Stick (see The Makeover Maven, Oct. 15, 2005).
The reason the first is important is that, with some exceptions, busy readers don't have or won't spare the time, upon glimpsing an ad with a curiosity headline, to stop and find out whether or not the ad has something useful for them.
So in this case, what do we see at first glance? A lighted office building at night. Superimposed over each of three windows is the Adobe Acrobat symbol and a single word: “Work,” “Together” and “Separately.” And at the lower right, Adobe's logo.
How would you paraphrase this ad? What would it seem to be saying to you when you first looked at it? Adobe helps people who are not in the same room work together?
But this has always been true. Long before Adobe, people in business offices have been able to work together by phone, mail, interoffice messenger, and more recently e-mail. So what's new?
If readers are willing to linger for a while and study the copy, set in white type, they begin to get the answer:
“Exchange critical information fast. Simultaneously review and respond to feedback. Combine everybody's work into a single, easy-to-use document. And get everyone on the same page. New Acrobat 7.0. See how much more your team can do with a free trial at adobe.com/worktogetherbetter. Better by Adobe.”
Fair copy, as far as it goes. But many prospects who take only a quick look at the ad will never get that far.
Now let's see how well it measures up to some of the points in my yardstick.
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Does it flag and snag the prospect as someone who needs to work “on the same page” with other members of a project? A little bit, but not very well. And specifically, who is “everyone”? What about company partners? Company clients? The company attorney? Etc.
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Does it identify the product as an improvement that enables Adobe Acrobat users to combine documents from different applications and sources in a single PDF? Only in fine print, and then not very clearly.
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Does it state or imply benefits? Yes, the body copy does imply the benefits of saving time and money, though not very convincingly.
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Does the ad invite reading? No. The three-word headline, if you can call it that, doesn't promise anything or point into the text, which is typographically uninviting.
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Include proof, like customer raves? No.
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Encourage and reward response? Not really.
So we see that the ad, which might seem OK to a casual observer, doesn't hold up under close scrutiny.
But I found it a tough one to make over. It has a lot of important, complicated product advantages to convey to many different kinds of prospects.
I decided, as I often do, to try to remain true to the ad's apparent original intent, which was to convey that people throughout a company can share related documents from several different applications without all of them needing to possess and launch each of the applications. This was symbolized by the photo of a lighted office building which might be the company's headquarters.
But many if not most national and international companies aren't just in one building. They have offices and resources that are widely scattered about. So to heighten the impression on prospects that “This means your company,” I have conveyed the idea of geographical dispersion in words and pictures.
Next, I felt I needed to identify the prospect(s), the product and its advantages at a glance, with a news headline that would impel further reading. But this was a tall order. To exactly whom in the company are we talking? And what specifics might interest them?
I chose to do what magazines and newspapers do when they want to put a handle on a complicated story. They summarize it with not just a headline but also a sub-headline and a sub-sub-headline. Each additional bit of information summarized this way tempts reading a little more.
Then I did a search on Google and found there were indeed customer testimonials for Acrobat 7. I selected and included two that do double duty: They provide some outside confirmation of the product's worth while at the same time make additional sales points a mere copywriter might not think of or be knowledgeable enough to come up with.
For instance, there's Terrence Pallotto of HNTB Corp., a company serving the architecture, transportation, urban planning and construction industries. (Even stating that much could attract prospective customers in those fields and help them identify with the customer being quoted.) He points out, “Acrobat 7.0 and PDF have made it easier for dispersed project teams to share document-based information. Acrobat 7.0 Professional opens up the review, markup and approval process by enabling enhanced capabilities in Adobe Reader. Now all our clients, partners and employees [who are being addressed in the ad] can comment on materials electronically without having to purchase specialized software like CAD applications.” [That's why they might be interested.]
Wow. Good stuff.
Then there's the testimonial of Phil Lee, top gun of Layton Graphics Inc., which assists large corporations and government organizations in managing technical documentation and geographic information systems data that's central to daily operations. (That's a mouthful, but very meaningful and relevant credentials to many prospects.) Note the sales points he makes in the course of praising the product.
Finally, to encourage and tempt response, I highlighted and spelled out the free trial and displayed the Web address much more clearly.
Betcha this approach would get a lot more responses — and sales.
THOMAS L. COLLINS (thomas.l.collins@verizon.net) has been a direct marketing copywriter, admaker, agency creative director and co-author of four books on marketing. He is currently an independent creative and marketing consultant based in Portland, OR.
