There's an unlikely figure roaming the beaches of Oahu. He stands aristocratically erect, his nose aimed at the heavens as though avoiding the stench of mortals. His Bermuda shorts are black and have a satin stripe along the outside seams. He wears what is probably the only Hawaiian-style shirt with onyx studs in existence.
This is Jeeves, the former AskJeeves.com search engine mascot, in exile.
Last February, after a decade as the natural-language search engine's public face, he was dumped by Barry Diller, CEO of AskJeeves' parent company IAC/InterActive Corp.
Jeeves has never commented on his firing, nor on a speech Diller gave characterizing the former spokesbutleras “baggage.”
Until now.
I caught up with him as he walked along one of the island's black sand beaches. I'd wondered aloud about the sand's color, and was treated to a tedious discourse on extrusive igneous rocks and volcanic glass.
After a few miles of this, I was desperate to change the subject.
“Do you think Ask made a mistake in firing you?” I asked.
A haughty look crossed his face. “Of course! AskJeeves.com filled a need. That need still exists. People need a guide. They need a mentor. In some cases they need a disciplinarian.”
An unpleasant glint flashed in his eye as he said “disciplinarian.” I envisioned Barry Diller chained to a wicked-looking medieval device — not being tortured, but instead being forced to listen to Jeeves expound on its history, proper maintenance and use.
“Do you have any employment prospects aside from Ask?” I asked.
“If Diller doesn't want me back, another Internet player will. It is a short hop from Gmail to Jeevesmail. Jeevesmail would elevate standards of electronic communication.”
“How so?”
Jeeves' nose slowly rose to point at the blazing Hawaiian sun. “Jeevesmail would not deliver any message that was not grammatically perfect and entirely free of spelling errors and emoticons.”
“That certainly would cut down on spam,” I observed.
There was a long pause. Jeeves is not used to the normal ebb and flow of conversation, and requires that any comment directed at him be stated as a natural-language question.
“Would bringing you back work as a branding strategy?” I inquired.
“There have been more radical rebrandings than that,” he replied. “In 1924 Marlboro cigarettes were introduced as a woman's brand, with the slogan ‘Mild as May.’ Today they are as testosterone-filled as a Chuck Norris double feature.”
“You think Ask.com needs a radically new direction?” I queried.
“Let me ask you something. How did you find me?”
“I Googled you,” I admitted.
Jeeves tipped his nose in the air and walked on.
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For more of Richard H. Levey's Loose Cannon columns, visit http://directmag.com/opinions-columnists/loosecannon/index.html.
