It's one of those inevitable things that happen when you have a baby. Your once-pristine home is suddenly desecrated by mounds of what some might call “waste” generated by your little one. And while some of it is kind of cute in its own strange way, the rest just has a foul odor.
And no, I'm not talking about diapers. That kind of output I can handle. I'm referring to the mountains of new-parent direct mail offers hitting my home faster than my son can spit up his breakfast. For better or worse, there is no “Direct Mail Genie” to hide the stench of a bad DM effort. But luckily, not all new-parent campaigns poop out.
The formula companies contact us by mail about once a week, often offering tips on how to successfully breast-feed. One wonders how sincere they are, given that moms are usually customers only once they've stopped nursing.
Similac has sent me what seems like thousands of mailings about its Welcome Addition Club. I guess simply having a child is the initiation (or perhaps hazing) ritual; I have no memory of ever joining the “Club” or even inquiring about it. The mailings aren't without parent or marketing merit, however; a coupon is usually included, imprinted with my name and a member ID, so they know if I've redeemed it and started purchasing their product.
American Baby and Parenting both arrive regularly at my home now. I was surprised to receive a “Final Notice!” letter polybagged with my latest issue of Parenting, since I'd only subscribed a month earlier. The “final notice” turned out to be for an offer to extend my current subscription by a year and receive a complimentary subscription to Sesame Street magazine. Given that my 4-month-old seems to be more interested in trying to put his socks in his mouth than reading periodicals, I think I'll pass for the time being.
The “R” Us family of stores — Kids, Babies and Toys — mails our household about once a month with coupons and newsletters such as “Nursery Times,” targeted to a child's age. This a nice follow-through to the positive experience we had with its baby registry.
Huggies sent us a sample of its Ultratrim diapers — in the right size, but just barely — and some coupons, should we like the product. Gerber capitalized on its reputation as a baby authority with soft-sell mailings for its insurance program, and followed up with “Growing Up Gerber,” a series of newsletters offering tips on how to solve typical dilemmas (often with Gerber products, of course). And not surprisingly, the newsletters come with a number of coupons for Gerber products.
(Gerber does need to watch its pronouns, though; my son was a bit irked by the letter in the most recent co-op wondering if the Viveiros baby had doubled “her” birth weight yet.)
NovaParenting.com also mails a co-op of coupons and DM offers, many not specifically child- or parent-related, and definitely not as age-specific. Of the 20 in a recent envelope, only four were child/parent oriented. While the other offers weren't invalid — parents do still have non-child-related needs, after all — the all-over-the-place nature made the package stand out less than Gerber's.
The oddest mailing I've received was for a “Mother's Day Makeover” event from the Facial and Cosmetic Surgery Center at the Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary. The letter invited moms to the Ritz-Carlton in Boston for brunch to learn about the latest innovations in Botox injections, face-lifts, implants and other ways to create a “new you” sure to startle your infant.
Considering how insecure many new moms feel about their appearance, this mailing is either incredibly well timed or extremely cruel and inappropriate. Personally, I know I'm not quite back to my pre-pregnancy self yet, but I'll pass, thanks. 'Cause you know one of the really great things about babies? They love you no matter how many wrinkles and tummy rolls you have.
BETH NEGUS VIVEIROS (bethdirect@aol.com) is executive editor of Direct.
