A season or two ago on the late, lamented "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," a character wondered whether Martha Stewart was a demon.
"No," matter-of-factly said Anya, a former vengeance demon in the know on such things. "She's a witch."
Boy, I bet Martha wishes she could twitch her nose and get out of this mess.
Since I've skewered Martha in this column many times, several of my colleagues have called over the past couple of days, wondering if I'm dancing in the streets over the news of her indictment. I'm amused, sure. Almost as amused as I was last weekend when I watched Cybil Shepard's in NBC's recent TV movie about Martha's life.
(Did you see it? It was classic. A Martha clone screaming "Every good cook should have a copper pot!" and throwing cookware across the stage should be a required gag in any respectable drag show from now on. But I digress.)
Am I overjoyed? I wouldn't say that. I think the perpetrators of white-collar crime should be punished, that's for sure. But the fervor with which Martha is being pursued does feel a bit like a witch hunt. Is it because she's a woman? Or because she's a Democrat? Or maybe because she's been caught in too many lies? That's up for time and the courts to decide.
Of course it's almost impossible for this scandal not to have a lasting negative impact on her empire, including the Martha By Mail DM business. After all, prison stripes aren't exactly the symbol of domestic bliss.
I visited MarthaStewart.com to see what the site's spin on the news was, and of course, there was no mention on the home page. (Perhaps the Webmaster, like Martha herself did when CBS's morning show anchor tried to grill her right after the scandal broke, is choosing to instead "focus on her salad.")
The About Martha Steward Omnimedia page's bio of Martha surprisingly hadn't been updated to highlight her recent media attention – I'm sure they'll attend to that quickly. Yeah, right. Meanwhile, Martha herself is proclaiming her innocence in print ads and on MarthaTalks.com, where you can also e-mail her your condolences.
The "About" page did feature a striking photo of Martha holding a basket of eggs, though. An allusion to the fact that one shouldn't put all their company's fortunes in the basket case of one woman's personality, perhaps?
Yes, insider trading. A good thing indeed. Unless you get caught.
