People are spending too much money to get my attention.
And not in a good way, either. No one proffering shiny, sparkly baubles has darkened my doorstep. But too much information packaged in glossy wrappings sure has.
While my son napped recently, I picked up my new issue of Entertainment Weekly from the mailbox. Since magazines tend to be a visual — rather than audio — experience, I started flipping through its pages. Suddenly, a tinny recording of the theme to “The Sopranos” blared through my living room. I slammed the covers shut and peered in again.
“On Everyone's Greatest Hit List,” read the red cover copy to the all-black ad. Inside was a simple statement: “The New Season March 7.” When I opened the ad again later, I discovered that only the first few bars of the song were recorded. Sure, this got my attention, but for all the bucks HBO spent on the pricey insert, it didn't influence my viewing habits (I planned on watching anyway). Maybe HBO got a discount from corporate parent Time Warner, which also owns Entertainment Weekly. Who knows?
A call to action on the back in mice type read, “Subscribe online at HBO.com AOL Keyword: HBO.” A better tactic would have been to not only pitch subscriptions, but ask those on the fence about subscribing — or subscribers looking for more info on the show — to visit the site to download the rest of the song in exchange for their e-mail address, and perhaps purchase “Sopranos” merchandise.
While HBO might have gone light on data, Starbucks went triple extra venti mucho grande. The coffeemonger put an insert in the plastic bag covering our Sunday paper that same weekend, offering confused caffeine fans “Make It Your Drink: A Guide to Starbucks Beverages.”
The 24-page booklet was informative, and featured a glossary of Starbucks lingo, explanations of drink types, syrup and milk choices, and a primer on how to place your coffee order. Who knew some people were intimidated by the thought of ordering an iced, decaf, triple, grande, cinnamon, nonfat, no-whip mocha avec fromage? Bah! What could be easier?
While the insert was a nice overview of the world of premium coffee drinks, I can't imagine it would quell the nerves of anyone anxious about placing their order. Quite the opposite, I think it could rattle someone so much they'd never set foot in any coffee shop more high-end than a Dunkin' Donuts. (“And now they sell lattes too? Arrragh! All I wanted was a small black decaf!”)
The only call to action was a coupon to help drinkers customize their beverage — an offer of a free espresso shot, syrup, caramel-sauce swirl or milk upgrade. This would have been an ideal opportunity to collect e-mail addresses and other info, but I suppose the baristas have enough to worry about, with all that foam and such.
Then we come to the mother of all occasions where advertisers spend too much for eyeballs, the Super Bowl. While I was happy the New England Patriots pulled out their second victory in three years, to me the whole spectacle was just one long, boring pre-show for “Survivor: All-Stars.” Thank goodness there were commercials to break up the monotony.
There was little in the way of direct response to choose from. H+R Block scored with its “Willie Nelson Advice Doll” spots, which included a URL and 800 number at the end. One only hopes H+R gets on the ball and puts those dolls into mass-market production by the time this goes to press.
Staples also scored with a humorous spot about Randy, an office supplies supervisor who runs his fiefdom with an iron fist Tony Soprano would admire. The ending referred to the fact that the chain has stores, catalogs and online outlets, but offered no URL or number to call to place an order. It should sleep with the fishes for that omission.
FedEx's spot with a gruesome alien blending into an office environment by merely suggesting to his boss that they use FedEx was well done, playing off the line “FedEx. It's all you need to know.” The URL in the final frame carried through the theme.
GoldenPalace.com had perhaps the best URL placement of the whole game, on the body of the streaker it hired to run across the field. Had Janet Jackson been a quicker thinker, she could have earned a few extra bucks by turning her “wardrobe malfunction” into a marketing opportunity.
BETH NEGUS VIVEIROS (bethdirect@aol.com) is executive editor of Direct.
