The Writers Guild of America West has raised a lot of noise about product placement in television shows. Members’ complaints stem from increasing pressure to work sponsors’ products into television plot lines, or to have characters move through the action carrying packages of biscuit mix with the label facing the camera.
This apparently sticks in the writers’ craws, especially as they rarely are allowed to share in the profits from these efforts. In fact, they’re rarely even presented with so much as a tray of freshly baked biscuits.
I have a complaint too: Why do brand advertisers get all the opportunities for touting their wares? Under the assumption that television writers’ lack of familiarity with direct marketing is the primary reason, I offer a guide for incorporating direct response channels into standard plots.
Catalogs Writers should portray catalogs as acceptable reading material in all situations. There is no reason why a spy cabal can’t reference specific words on specific pages within the latest Abercrombie & Fitch release. Furthermore, as catalogs have a substantial physical presence, perhaps they could be shown in a heroic role. Can the current Neiman Marcus Christmas book stop a bullet? If not, can the store be convinced to put out a Kevlar-coated edition?
Direct Mail Ransom notes arriving by mail should be accompanied by no fewer than three credit card solicitations. Insurance solicitations may be substituted for these, if doing so would increase the drama.
E-mail Marketing Just as with direct mail, plot-dependent notes could be surrounded with well-targeted e-mail solicitations. Characters could marvel at how well both the ransom notes and the advertising e-mails contain appropriate salutations.
Free-Standing Inserts Whenever a newspaper is used to move a plot along via a screaming headline, at least one free-standing insert must fall out. There is no good reason why overly dramatic moments shouldn’t be lightened by an opportunity to purchase Hummel Figurines.
Infomercials The average American household has a television on for seven hours a day. Many of those hours are filled with long-form infomercials. Writers must adjust characters’ viewing habits to reflect this. Writers should avoid presenting characters as having dozed off in front of these, however.
Search Engine Marketing When a character searches online for information on disarming nuclear warheads, identifying mutant disease strains, or locating a key individual, the first search engine result should highlight opportunities to purchase something from Amazon.com.
Telemarketing, Inbound Powerless cell phones have become a standard dramatic device. In order to justify the frequency with which cell phone batteries die, writers should show characters using their cell phones to place many, many orders via inbound telemarketing – even at dinnertime.
Telemarketing, Outbound Where there’s a telephone, there’s an opportunity for telesales. Take the red telephone that usually sits on the Oval Office desk -- the so-called “hotline.” It’s a landline, and therefore a legitimate target for outbound telemarketing calls. Chances are its number is in some marketing database. Whenever a President is shown attending an event at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, it should be made clear that the tickets were acquired as the result of an outbound telemarketing campaign. (In light of recent lobbyist scandals, an elected official actually making such a purchase of his own accord sends a powerful “good government” message to viewers.)
Admittedly, various genres present individual opportunities and challenges. For instance:
Biographic Documentaries Biography subjects should be depicted as using whichever medium was most popular during their era. (Note to self: Research whether President Lincoln ever used wireless to order new stovepipe hats. Probably did.)
Nature Documentaries Unfortunately, animals in their natural state neither purchase nor consume branded products. For this reason, we urge an immediate cessation of all production of nature documentaries. (The exception to this may be bird-related documentaries: Can the bald eagle be coaxed into using lift letters, buck slips and reply cards to feather its nest? Has anyone tried?)
Science Fiction Programs By the 24th Century, it is very likely that communications channels will include some sort of intergalactic call waiting. If so, urgent conversations between Starfleet Command and starships should occasionally be interrupted by pitches for aluminum siding.
Finally, a thought about any show that has a “letters from our viewers” feature. Direct marketers are viewers. Direct marketers send mail. Direct mail solicitations are as worthy of being read aloud as any other letter, and that ranges from the Late Show with David Letterman to the NewsHour with Jim Lehrer.
To respond to this column, please contact richard.levey@penton.com
