Never mind following the money: For those tracking the activities of search firm Google, the lucre hard to miss it. The Mountain View, CA-based company anticipates raising $2.1 billion through an upcoming stock sale – and that’s on top of the $8 billion the company was sitting on at the end of 2005.
This brings to mind two questions. First, Google reflected geek chic in its last stock offering, when it sold 14,159,265 shares of its stock. (That amount reflected the eight digits following the decimal point in the pi, the Greek letter that signifies the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter). Its current offering of 5.3 million shares doesn’t seem to signify anything. Does competitor Yahoo! have a trademark on Avogadro’s number?
(The number of shares offered in Google’s earlier effort explains why “I’m a mathematician who specializes in Euclidian geometry, but I do a little standup on the side” is not one of the more compelling pick-up lines. However, the phrase “I’ve got $8 billion in my savings account: How’d you like to be my personal investment counselor tonight?” is fairly effective for those who can back it up.)
The second question this raises is what, exactly, the company needs all that cash for. Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin are at a point where they can pretty much do anything they want. If they decide to drop out of the online racket and open up a little bakery in Mountain View, replacing search and e-mail services with cakes cooling on the windowsill, so be it.
But there is a world of options between pi and pies for Google. And since disposing of $10 billion seems a rather daunting chore, what follow are a few suggestions for ancillary lines the company might consider.
Google Resorts: The company could branch into travel and leisure, establishing beachside properties that specialize in both wet and Web surfing.
Google Couture: A new concept in clothing that follows not only the dictates of fashion but of the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act as well. To make sure of this, none of the line’s more risqué items will be manufactured in sizes typically worn by consumers under the age of 13.
Google Water: The company already takes freely available information and serves up some of it on a pay-per-click basis. Why not take a page from the soft drink firms, which bottle an abundantly available free resource and sell it for a high price?
The Mountain View, CA Googles Baseball Team: Nothing says excessive wealth like the ability to make nine grown men dress in your logo and frantically chase after a little white ball made from horsehide. In Google’s case, the company would not only purchase the naming rights for the team, but every time someone cites James Thurber’s phrase “You could look it up!” in a sports context, it would be an automatic plug. (Baseball fans: Don’t write me nasty letters about this. While Casey Stengel popularized the saying, it was Thurber who coined it. You could look it up.)
“Sergey”: This would be Google’s version of “Oprah,” “Jane,” “Martha Stewart Living” and other personality-driven magazines. The first issue would be roughly the size of a Manhattan telephone book on steroids, and would contain articles on every single topic under the sun (as well as the sun itself). Reflecting the way the Web works, a proprietary indexing system would allow readers to flip conveniently from whatever story they happen to be reading to an article on porn without losing their place.
Finally. The Google Television Hour: Every Sunday at 7 pm, ABC-TV would present heartwarming, family-friendly tales of the magic of search engine marketing. Each episode would feature the antics of animated host Jiminy Click-it.
Readers are encouraged to help me spend Google’s money in ways that build the brand.
To respond to this column, please contact e-mail: richard.levey@penton.com
